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Episode Review: CHARMED (“Thank You For Not Morphing”)

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Charmed S1 LOGOSeason 1, Episode 3
Date of airing: Oct 21, 1998 (The WB)
Nielsen ratings information: N/A

A pretty boring and annoying episode. A) Shapeshifters are boring supernatural villains, especially when they are as stupid as the shapeshifters were in this episode. B) Victor (Tony Denisonwas a completely annoying character. I didn’t know if he was villainous, or if he was a good-hearted father with not such a good heart after all. C) Two episodes in a row, where one potential villain is teased, while this episode doesn’t even go into the details of last episode’s teasing. Uargh. D) Are the sisters dumb or something? Otherwise I can’t explain myself why they don’t ask questions and don’t go into investigative mode themselves. After all, they had the clear pictures before them.

Let’s go to each point one by one. I was laughing, when the mail delivery shapeshifter (Jimmy Dineen) just threw the Book of Shadows into plain sight, if he could have … I don’t know, hidden it under the couch or something, just so the sisters don’t see the book right in the open, question absolutely everything? I mean, the shapeshifter couldn’t have known that Prue (Shannen Doherty) is just telekinesing (is that a word?) the book under a random piece of furniture, instead of wondering what the shit was going on… In addition, what was up with the dog shapeshifter at the beginning? The glowing eyes he presented were pretty much for nothing. Also, if the dog shapeshifer tried to get the book out of the house during the teaser, the mail delivery shapeshifter would have known the attic door was locked, right? The mail delivery shapeshifter didn’t have the key for that one? Or was the dog shapeshifter never in front of the attic door? Which brings me to ask: Why the fuck was he in the Halliwell manor in the first place?

Oh, Victor. What a shitty character you have become in this episode. I have to give it to the writers and their efforts to deepen the past of the Halliwell family and give some background, but couldn’t they have done that with a less annoying character? At first he came over as this supervillain-like character, who also has a side gig as a supermodel – completely unrealistic. Then he apparently didn’t have anything to do, when he was interrupted by Phoebe during his massage. Like a supermodel he was getting up on the table, hugging the hearts out of Phoebe (Alyssa Milano), and even offering her his massage therapist. I would see that behavior in some rich guy from Gotham, but not in CHARMED. That was a really ridiculous scene. The ending was also a little ridiculous. And I didn’t quite understand it: Was Victor a good guy or a bad guy now? The safety spell obviously banished the stupid shapeshifting neighbors out of this reality, but since Victor survived… Was he really after the book to stop the evil going after the book and therefore helping his daughters? Or was he simply after the book himself? His partnership with the three stooges bites with the revelation that Victor is in fact the good-hearted daddy.

This episode also marked the first appearance of Leo Wyatt (Brian Krause). Okay, in this episode he was just the hot handyman, who had something to say about the age of the manor, but exactly these words let me think that the writers purposely put in Leo into the first episodes to make the audience think that he is another one of the badass demons who is after the Book of Shadows. The thing is just: It doesn’t really look that obvious, even though the obvious part lies in the fact that Leo was thrown into this episode to serve a recurring story arc. Whether it be him as a demon after the book, or as a love interest for one of the sisters. The problem is that the last episode did the same already: Rex and Hannah were introduced to show the audience that evil lurks everywhere. And they showed Prue that love lurks everywhere as well. Putting the same story teaser twist into two back-to-back episodes without going further into the first of those teaser twists is pretty lame. And yes, I’m aware that this episode was actually the fourth episode produced, and therefore there is a one-episode gap between Rex and Leo, but still… You don’t bring that into a show. You can’t just establish numerous potential threats to the main characters without ever going into the first of your threats.

And finally, the stupidity of the Halliwell sisters. Especially Prue. She saw the Book of Shadows lying around. She could have asked herself what the book was doing downstairs, while Andy (Ted Kingwas also in the house. She could have figured that Andy might not be a good guy. She could have figured that the Andy she saw in her house could have been a shapeshifter, especially after she learned about the shapeshifters later. Not only the mail delivery shapeshifter was pretty stupid by throwing the book into the open, but Prue was stupid as well, because she couldn’t add one and one. The writers missed a great storyline by letting Prue not realize Andy might be after the sisters and the book. Apparently they were more interested in putting a relationship on the heels of these two love birds. In addition, how could Piper (Holly Marie Combsand Phoebe be so open about their father? Did they never hear the bad stories about him from both Prue and their grandma? If I would be in the girls’ situation, I would definitely be reserved about my father coming back into town (right after I discovered my witch powers), when I never dealt with him in the first place, and when there are only bad stories about him. I know that children need their father figure, but these children are adults by now, and they should have their heads clear. After all, they are being hunted by warlocks and other demons – so why are they letting Victor into their lives so quickly and easily? Especially Phoebe, who had a premonition about Victor’s bad intentions – yet she was not tired to let him into her life. Sorry, but that’s just stupid. And didn’t help me at all to accept Victor as a character in this show.

Fun fact: The door to the attic is not only the first piece of furniture in the manor to be destroyed, it’s also the second one. Also, Piper and Phoebe want a security system in the house, but Prue said it’s too expensive. Eight years later, someone better add all the repair costs, and compare it to the cost of a security system, and how much money it might have saved the Halliwells.

The scorecard after three episodes: Prue had two guys courting her, slept with one guy. Piper had one guy courting her, but he was a warlock, so he had to be killed, before sex was an issue in this show. Phoebe is still in last place with zero guys and no sex. Also, the attic door gets replaced for the second time. 4/10

Everybody is confused about the intentions of this guy

Everybody is confused about the intentions of this guy

Look who's fixing the attic door!

Look who’s fixing the attic door!

Written by Christian Wischofsky

June 1, 2014 at 1:12 PM

Posted in Charmed (The WB)

Episode Review: CHARMED (“I’ve Got You Under My Skin”)

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Charmed S1 LOGOSeason 1, Episode 2
Date of airing: Oct 14, 1998 (The WB)
Nielsen ratings information: N/A

I’m actually surprised about how this episode didn’t suck. The story of Javna (Michael Philip), and his way of sucking out the lives of innocent, young, sexy women might have been a remake of everything the fantasy genre has already dished on your table, but the personal arcs of the Halliwell sisters was quite nice. Prue (Shannen Dohertytrying to get her life under control after the witch-y reveal in the pilot; Piper (Holly Marie Combs) trying to understand the lives of witches more; and Phoebe (Alyssa Milano) just wanting to enjoy having powers… It’s almost like the writers knew that’s what real-life witches would do, when they find out they are good witches. I found it refreshing. It wasn’t over the top, it wasn’t too much (except Piper’s first church scene, which resembled a horror movie), and it was somewhat sad, too. Seeing Piper shedding a few tears, because she thinks she is a bad witch, and she doesn’t deserve this at all, was touching. Especially since that scene showed a nice moment between two sisters. I can’t remember if it happened, but I hope the first season will have lots of those kind of scenes. And I don’t mean the babbling when it comes to their love life.

Like when Prue came out of the shower and Piper told her about Andy’s (Ted King) phone call, and Phoebe had to get into the mix as well. If three sisters talk about their failing love life, I automatically turn off my listening devices, because it’s almost always shitty. I don’t need to listen about failing love lives, when my own love life fails on all levels. And above all, I don’t need to listen about the failing love lives of three young and beautiful women, who could get every man in the world. It makes me even more miserable. But I can already see how the love life of these three ladies will be more important sometimes than killing some badass demons. By the way: Prue is the first one to have sex in this show, which means she leads the scorecard by one point. She also leads the scorecard by men she had a fling (of sorts) with, with two guys courting her since the pilot, and a third guy presumably coming up. Piper only had one guy and zero sex sessions, while Phoebe still stands far below anything and everybody in both regards. I will continue to keep track of the girls’ guys and their hot nights together.

That brings me to discuss one certain point, which came up in this episode. Prue and Andy had a one night stand, and in one scene, one of them said they were actually making love. I know that “making love” and “having sex” are two completely different things, and “having sex” is the thing that simply happens most on this planet. Especially after a first date. I would never believe in a single second that Prue and Andy made love after their first date. No, they had sex, simple as that. The fact that “making love” was put into this episode and the dialogue between the two was only because the writers wanted to make the two a couple as soon as possible, and when they would talk about love early in the show, it would not take a while, until the wedding bells are ringing. What a way to suck at writing. But what do I care, right? I never “made love”, and my love life sucks. So, what the hell.

Piper’s little witch-angst story was okay. Like I said, it led to a good scene with Phoebe, but I was laughing when the first church scene pretty much led to a straight horror movie. Seriously, how can you make so much thrill out of such a little scene? What was unfortunate was the fact that neither Prue nor Phoebe were included in this witch-angst story. It’s completely normal to be scared about getting burned at the stake (I can’t even begin to mention how witches in Salem weren’t burned at the stake), but what puzzles me is why Phoebe or Prue are not scared about this topic. Are they so deep into their power-hungry asses that they want to use their powers for their own gain before thinking about the consequences? That would explain Phoebe’s teenage-behavior, but not Prue’s.

In the meantime, Javna was a terrible villain. First of all, the script didn’t even give him a proper background. Seriously, a demon that tries to stay super-young for many millennia by sucking out the lives of young people? What a cliché. And doing that sucking thing a few times during the week, but then stopping for a while? Umm, why? Is Javna going into hibernation after sucking out the young and beautiful? Does he have enough youth in his blood that keeps him alive for another year? Then why was he rapidly aging throughout the day, when he was about to suck out Phoebe?Meh, how I hate it when demonic villains are thrown into a plot, just to be a danger for one of the sisters (of all of them), while not being given a proper background, or even a proper reason for their existence in today’s world of television. No wonder why Ghostbusters 3 never happened, when television already ridicules demons enough for the audience to laugh at them (BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER is another realm of TV, only half the demons that showed up there actually deserved to be called demons).

Finally, a few words about Rex Buckland (Neil Robertsand Hannah Webster (Leigh-Allyn Baker). It almost looks like the writers were totally ready to get into a recurring storyline with a villain, and this two episodes into the show – neither did I remember this, nor did I expect this to happen so soon. Okay, Hannah’s “I think she is the luckiest woman alive, or she is a witch” could mean a lot in television these days, but it usually means that secrets are out, and that at least Prue is going to deal with those two characters more than she’d like. Is it an interesting arc in general? Not really. But for a late 90s fantasy show, it was a step into the right direction. 6/10

This is how foot fetish porn videos end

This is how foot fetish porn videos end

Ghostbusters 3 didn't happen because of this guy

Ghostbusters 3 didn’t happen because of this guy

Written by Christian Wischofsky

May 29, 2014 at 3:14 PM

Posted in Charmed (The WB)

1998 Pilots: CHARMED

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Charmed S1 LOGOSeason 1, Episode 1
Date of airing: Oct 7, 1998 (The WB)
Nielsen ratings information: N/A

Buckle up for some CHARMED reviews coming throughout the next few weeks, and maybe months. I always wanted to get into the show fully, but my knowledge of its campiness during the latter stages of its life always kept me away from the three witches that repeatedly saved the world and destroyed their San Francisco manor in the process. But I figured I could just go into it, knowing that the camp will actually be fun. And what is more fun than ripping apart a funny show? I don’t believe I will ever go past season five here, but it doesn’t hurt to try, right? Also, I really want to see a beautiful Rose McGowan again. But first, three seasons of CHARMED. Or, how to produce a supernatural show that looks like it has been produced without any budget to speak of.

Seriously, the pilot looked super cheap. Most of the effects were just SFX anyway – lighting tricks, playing with shadows, pulling wires, make-up. Practical effects still work best on a show, and it surprised me that the pilot were defined by its practical tricks. Okay, the one VFX that looked ridiculous was Jeremy’s (Eric Scott Woodsface distortion during his confrontation with Piper (Holly Marie Combs), but other than that, the premiere of CHARMED definitely survived the test of time. It is surprising how this show is almost sixteen years old, even though it feels like it has been around me and in television history for all my life, yet it premiered in the US when I was twelve. It is almost like CHARMED is still young. Also, CHARMED is so cheap, you could probably remake the pilot with your own hard-earned money, and catch the audience like WB did in 1998. There really didn’t seem to be anything complex about the production of the show, which might define the campiness of later seasons. And which might have been the problem of the show after the fourth season. But I can barely remember the show as it is (I have never even seen the final two seasons), so who knows what my final verdict will be.

Story-wise, the pilot came over like a normal crime procedural. The first scene brings you a killer and his new victim, the after-intro scene brings you a crime scene and two arguing detectives. And in the middle there are two arguing sisters, who wait for the arrival of their arguing third sister. Somehow the whole first half of the episode was mostly about arguing, a little bit of hate, and a whole lot of simple, metropolitan TV drama. It was a proper introduction to the show for late 1990s standards, but there was no deeper level to be discovered. The first half never cracked the surface, and always stayed safely on its two feet. Which is okay for one episode, but it can turn out extemely boring when TV writers keep it up for multiple episodes in a row. But anyway, the pilot did a good job in introducing and foreshadowing, and I can even excuse the tropes and clichés that can be found over the course of these 43 minutes. The only thing that really annoyed me was the sisters’ quick realization that they are witches. Powerful witches at best. Phoebe (Alyssa Milano), for some reason, instantly believed in magic (and it would have been nice to show why). Prue (Shannen Doherty) didn’t even go into thinking mode, when she realized that Phoebe might be right (especially during her first time-freeze – the only thing she could think about is boosting the taste of her pasta for the chef). And Prue didn’t go seriously crazy when she saw she could move things with her mind, and almost blew up a whole drugstore. It’s like “No way, witches don’t exist”, followed by one or two pieces of practical proofs that magic does exist, and the sisters are all like “Wow, we’re getting more powerful.” A better written pilot would have played on the emotional level of the sisters, and it would have made it difficult for them to accept that they are witches. An emotional level always helps to connect with a character, and the pilot didn’t have one layer of emotions at all. Which makes it less believable for the sisters to discover magic that easily.

Of course the pilot had multiple points where I either rolled with my eyes, or was just laughing, because I realized the campiness of the show was existent from the very first second. It begins with the fact that our first-scene victim couldn’t hear the footsteps behind her, when even I was able to make out the sounds of the steps. Seriously, if you don’t want your character to hear the perpetrator sneaking up behind you, you should eliminate the sound effects from the scene. Number two would be the fact that Prue and Piper have “a spare room”, when they were talking about having another roommate. Here’s what’s off: The two have a whole house for themselves. And there is only one spare room? No way I’m gonna buy that, though I can buy that the soundstage didn’t have much room for four rooms. Number three goes to Piper: When the power is out, it is only logical that the phone doesn’t work. That’s at least true for the 1990s world in television. At least Prue instantly knew why the phone wasn’t working. Number four will be closely monitored during the rest of the show. Apparently, the sisters didn’t really have their powers, right up until Phoebe was reading the first page of the Book of Shadows out loud during a full moon. My question is (and I’m looking at all the future episodes I can’t even remember): Can the sisters regenerate their powers by simply rereading the first page out loud, if they have lost their powers for whatever reasons? Number five is about Phoebe. Considering what I remember of her, it’s hilarious that she was the only sister without being courted by a guy. Yes, she just moved from New York, and logically she didn’t have time to fish through the market of available bachelors (which all turn out to be gay, or demons, anyway), but Phoebe was also the only sister with some pure cleavage in this show. Which makes me wonder even more why she didn’t end up with a guy by the end of the episode. Warlock Jeremy, the polygamist, owns number six: Being whacked by a piece of wood… Come on, you were a pretty shitty villain. It makes me question if all the warlocks in this show are pussies. Number seven is TV history: Let us all remember that the door to the attic was the first thing in the Halliwell manor that was annihilated by a demon. From what I can remember, at least one door/window/wall/piece of big furniture was a victim to supernatural violence in each episode.

I don’t consider CHARMED as one of the shows that is worthy of a rewatch. Or as a favorite show of mine. I’m going into this thing with the knowledge that I will be amused by its sometimes boring acting, ridiculous line deliveries, gruesome special effects (even BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER had better face transformation effects, though they only lasted a split second, while Jeremy’s facial configuration took a little more than a whole second), meaningless stories and predictable twists, and unenergized confrontations between the heroines and villains. But the pilot was fun. Not in a good way, and definitely not in a bad way. You could see that the producers were in it with some seriousness, but without losing the sense of the camp that comes with the premise of three good-looking witches and their boy problems. Let’s see how much of that seriousness mixed with camp survived over the course of the next two seasons. 7/10

#YesAllWomen get attacked by men sooner or later

#YesAllWomen get attacked by men sooner or later

#TrueDetectiveSeason2

#TrueDetectiveSeason2

Written by Christian Wischofsky

May 27, 2014 at 6:49 PM

Posted in Charmed (The WB)

Episode Review: MARVEL’S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. (“T.R.A.C.K.S.”)

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Agents of SHIELD LOGOSeason 1, Episode 13
Date of airing: Feb 4, 2014 (ABC)
Nielsen ratings information: 6.62 million viewers, 2.2/6 with A18-49

I agree with the consensus of the internet and say that this was the best episode of AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. so far, and the reasons for this are simple: The story had a few unexpected twists, the storytelling was different from previous episodes and had something new to offer (at least for the characters), and there was some chemistry between some of the characters that I have never seen before. Who would have thought that Skye (Chloe Bennetand Fitz (Iain De Caestecker) have a better chemistry than Fitz and Ward had during “The Hub”? And who would have thought that the writers cared a bit about the sexual relationship between Melinda (Ming-Na Wenand Ward (Brett Dalton)? And who would have thought that one of the characters is in actual danger for once? This episode showed what AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. was missing during the first half of the season, and I’m happy the writers finally found a way into the show. To make things count. To make it difficult for the characters.

It begins with the fact that Coulson (Clark Gregg) and his team were in the field, and could not go back to their Bus and figure things out like normal spy agents. Instead they had to improvise, which made things a little more difficult for them – and difficult is always better, because it makes the characters shine in a different light, when they act differently to known situations. Let’s just take the holotable as an example. Usually, after the title card, you see the team standing around the holotable, analyzing evidence, leading themselves to the next chapter of the story, but this time the team was already in danger after the title card. The holotable couldn’t help them at all this time, and Coulson and Ward themselves were pretty helpless when standing in front of the holotable. Here I felt for the first time to watch a show that comes out of the hands of Joss Whedon and his writing team. The comedy was reminiscent of Whedon’s earlier work, and the scene in general was just ridiculously hilarious. AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. needs far more scenes like these, but so far, even THE AVENGERS had more comedic scenes than AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. in thirteen episodes. But it’s a step in the right direction for the show.

The unpredictability of the story led to a few cheap cop-outs, as well as a nice final act, but the former didn’t annoy me much this time. When the train disappeared in front of Coulson and Ward, I was surprised to realize that this story might lead to extraterrestrial realms once more, despite Coulson’s words that he can’t deal with Asgard right now. That the grenade was just a toxin to “freeze time” for Coulson and Ward was, of course, a cop-out to an intriguing story, but it was neat anyhow, because a potentially great storyline was demolished in a quick and logic way. The other cop-out would be Melinda killing off Luca Russo (Carlo Rota), but only because I saw it coming from a mile away that he was a bad fish and that his days would be numbered. But Melinda has gotten a nice scene in the barn, and she showed me once more that you really are not allowed to make her mad, or otherwise you’ll have a knife in your throat. Or in your back. Also, seeing Melinda tortured and freeing herself gave me some form of pleasure. It reminded me of the best days of Jack Bauer, and I’m kinda happy that the MCU has a Jack-Bauer-like character to offer. Even more, I liked that the little session of torture didn’t go unnoticed within Melinda. Her scene with Coulson in the Bus, being interrupted by Ward, was some nice character work. Previous episodes repeatedly established a unique friendship/partnership between Coulson and Melinda, and it’s good to see that the writers try to go even deeper. All of a sudden there is more respect between these two, and it tremendously helps the character development.

And then there is the final act. I didn’t see it coming at all that Quinn (David Conradwould shoot down Skye, though it would have been completely stupid of him not to shoot her. There he was testing Mike’s loyalty to the Clairvoyant, and who knows how dumb he would have been, if he just would have let Skye run after Mike, or if he would have neglected Skye to go after Mike himself, so that he can … I don’t know, what exactly was his deal in this episode? Anyway, with Skye down and in imminent danger, the writers FINALLY had a great reason to bring some character drama into the show. First of all, Coulson’s angry “Where is she?”, when he sees the blood spatter on Quinn’s hand, fearing the worst. Then his fears becoming a reality, when he sees Skye lying there, about to bleed to death. It somehow reminded me of Doug Ross finding the beaten-down Mark Greene in the washroom close to the end of the third season of ER – especially the position Skye/Mark were lying/half-sitting when Coulson/Doug found them. Anyway, seeing Simmons (Elizabeth Henstridge) getting bossy for a nano second and forcing her team to get Skye into the hyperbolic chamber was good, and seeing her getting crushed by her emotions was even better. I loved that scene. Even more when Fitz came and enclosed her into an important hug. That is the team-building I wanted to see from the beginning, and it’s also the moments between the characters I wanted to see from the beginning. I can’t give a shit about the characters, if they haven’t scenes like in this final act. Why did it have to take thirteen episodes for me to finally be rewarded with scenes like that?

In the meantime, the actual story of the episode was a different narrative way for the AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. writers, and I liked it. Okay, the narrative of telling one story from different perspectives is an old one, and wasn’t quite well executed during the beginning of the episode (Ward’s action could have been synchronized with Coulson’s scenes, since he was just walking through the train anyhow), but I liked that this episode resembled ALIAS. I realized the similarities between those two shows in previous episodes (with Simmons almost being a Sydney Bristow look-a-like), but now it became obvious. Also, the story felt like a true spy thriller. Multiple undercover agents in a small confinement are after a mysterious device – it’s the typical spy story, and despite the stereotypes in those kind o stories, I loved them here, because it was something different for AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. Furthermore, it was great to see Skye and Fitz working together. Yes, they really have a better chemistry than the “brothership” between Fitz and Ward, because Skye and Fitz are on a similar level, when it comes to expectations and knowledge about field ops. They could play each other the ball more easily than Ward and Fitz could.

And finally, thanks for this episode to establish that Coulson actually told Skye about her being a 0-8-4. I wasn’t quite sure about it, since the last episode silenced out Coulson during the tell-the-truth scene, and since the information of Skye being a 0-8-4 could be some heavy stuff, especially for S.H.I.E.L.D. I can’t really imagine that Coulson and/or Melinda would keep that secret under wraps for now, but it looks like they really did. I wonder what’s to come here. I only have one theory. With Skye shot and almost dying, will her 0-8-4 connection save her life?

By the way: Applause to a few ridiculous things: Queen-sized beds in trains, Stan Lee‘s cameo (I rolled with my eyes), and Russo wanting to know from Melinda where Coulson and Ward are, when he could have just taken a look on the side of the tracks 7.5/10

These are some unique dance moves

These are some unique dance moves

It's cry-time again!

It’s cry-time again!

Written by Christian Wischofsky

May 25, 2014 at 8:25 PM

Episode Review: MARVEL’S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. (“Seeds”)

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Agents of SHIELD LOGOSeason 1, Episode 12
Date of airing: Jan 14, 2014 (ABC)
Nielsen ratings information: 6.37 million viewers, 2.2/6 with A18-49

Another origins episode. I must say I find it positive that the writers and producers (and Marvel in general) don’t use this show as a breeding ground for villains and heroes, just so the MCU can be continuously expanded, and Marvel can figure out which character to spin off into their own shows. So far, this is AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.’s second villain origins episode, and when it comes to superheroes, the show hasn’t even begin to see the surface yet. So, respect to all involved, though on the other hand, maybe a little more Marvel in this show would not have hurt during the early stages of this show. You see, I’m a little schizo when it comes to that.

The episode was alright. I didn’t really care much about Donnie (Dylan Minnetteand his troubles, though I wanted to. I didn’t have any problems realizing that a troubled character can always be a great character in a TV show or movie, but of course Donnie had to be the center of all attention, and was eventually be the ultimate villain at the end. I didn’t have any trouble with Fitz (Iain De Caesteckerconnecting to this troubled teenager, and get a little bit of character depth for himself, but at the end this part of the story didn’t lead to anything. Fitz and Donnie aren’t friends after this episode, Donnie has learned nothing from Fitz, and Fitz has learned nothing from Donnie. So, yeah, the episode was a failure here. In addition, the framework of the story was pretty ridiculous. I can’t believe that the cadet academy wouldn’t follow up on their students with multiple psychological screenings. If this would have been more of a school, they would have eventually realized that Donnie is too disconnected from the rest of the student body, and that Seth (Daniel Zovatto) would be the clichéd bad boy. Also, no one at the academy ever realized that the boiler room has turned into a club house? Sure, the background story could have been that the faculty accepted the club house, because it encouraged bonding between students, but if that would have been the case, the club house would not have been treated a secret like in this episode. And not to mention the weather device – it’s one of the worst sci-fi clichés ever. Clichés like that are usually found in cheap (as in story-wise) Syfy dramas, and late 90s/early 2000s adventure shows. But in a Marvel production? That was veeeeeery cheap.

Yeah, at the end I couldn’t do anything with Donnie’s story, though I’m kinda glad that the whole episode was an origin. At least it gives this hour a partial reason of existence. Not even Skye’s (Chloe Bennetcharacter arc was intriguing for me, though I have to say it worked a little better than Donnie’s arc. Seeing Skye cry, when she learns the truth about her past was a great scene, and I was feeling with her in that moment. On the other hand, the story could have been just a little more … consistent. I mean, Melinda (Ming-Na Wenwas working on Skye’s past, even though she kinda knows the truth already, and she said to Coulson in a previous episode that Skye can never learn the truth. And now she is all of a sudden with Coulson (Clark Greggin this case and even goes with him to Mexico to follow a clue? And no, I don’t accept her excuse of Skye having proven herself in previous episodes. Melinda apparently had a reason not to tell her the truth about her past, and that reason can’t just be thrown out of the window, because Skye proved to be a great asset. Well, at least Melinda started to talk now. It was interesting to see that she was saying more than Coulson (who didn’t say anything) when sitting with him in Lola, and waiting for … whatever. Here I said “FINALLY!” I couldn’t believe that Melinda was both talking, as well as taking more than her screen partner. Kinda hilarious, considering her secretive behavior during the previous episodes.

What got a little interesting was the mythology involving Skye. The question about her status somewhat came out of nowhere, but it was also to be expected, since there had to be SOMETHING behind her horrible past. That Skye is a 0-8-4 (or probably is, because I don’t believe she is) could be interesting for the future of the show (is she of alien origin, or could she turn out to be a future superhero, or even a villain?), but it’s also obvious that the writers won’t jump on it right now. They dumped “Skye is a 0-8-4″ in this episode, and now let’s not touch it ever again, until the writers have no other choice than continuing the story. Or having it turn out to be fake, because… Well, that’s what today’s TV writers are good for.

The return of Quinn (David Conradwas to be expected, though he could have been a little less of a clichéd villain. Though I kinda found it cool how he just secretly fucked Seth through the phone and was not interested in the deal any longer. But I also ask myself why he was in this episode to begin with, when he had nothing to offer for the story? That he would return was obvious after “The Asset”, and “The Clairvoyant says ‘Hello’” was just a stupid and ridiculous cliffhanger, and you could have brought that cliffhanger in another episode with another character, and it wouldn’t have changed anything. 5.5/10

The introduction of Iceman!

The introduction of Iceman!

It's cry-time!

It’s cry-time!

Written by Christian Wischofsky

May 18, 2014 at 8:39 PM

Episode Review: MARVEL’S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. (“The Magical Place”)

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Agents of SHIELD LOGOSeason 1, Episode 11
Date of airing: Jan 7, 2014 (ABC)
Nielsen ratings information: 6.63 million viewers, 2.2/6 with A18-49

It almost looks like the show is becoming a little better now. It was a good episode, for AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. standards, and it had some nice character moments. But the other side of the medallion showed that the writers were both predictable and inconsistent. This episode is proof once more that the Whedon/Tancharoen couple doesn’t really know how to tackle this show, and that the writers’ room doesn’t really know how to handle each storyline. If they would know how to do that, they wouldn’t have made Victoria Hand (Saffron Burrowssuch an ignorant person in this episode.

Let’s go back to “The Hub”. Victoria has learned in the episode that Coulson and his team are able to execute their missions without the aid of S.H.I.E.L.D., and that they are perfectly able to bend a few rules and shit on the system to save their team members and save the day. In fact, Victoria magically put a smile on her face when she realized that. In this episode, she obviously forgot that Coulson and his team are perfect special agents within S.H.I.E.L.D. Otherwise she would have realized early on that Melinda (Ming-Na Wen) was playing her, and she would have realized that Skye (Chloe Bennetwas on her own investigation, soon after she realized that Skye got off the plane and is not with S.H.I.E.L.D. Victoria should not have been surprised at all that Coulson (Clark Greggwould be standing in front of her at the end of the episode. She should not have been stunned by the fact that Coulson’s team is doing anything in their power (literally moving heaven and earth, to use a quite from the show) to get the mission done. That was just bad writing.

But hey, at least Victoria Hand is back, and considering her final words to Coulson, it looks like she will never become a villain in the show – which I sadly recognize. A villain within the S.H.I.E.L.D. organisation would actually bring a nice sub-plot into the game. But this episode also showed that Victoria is pretty shitty in her job. First she doesn’t realize quickly that Skye is out of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s hands and pretty much doing her own job right now, and then she doesn’t even do anything about it. Didn’t she consider Skye a potential threat at all? In addition, when she realized that Coulson’s team deliberately let Skye off the plane to let her do her thing, Victoria did not do anything either. She didn’t give the team “house arrest”, she didn’t send them to HQ… No, Victoria didn’t do anything. Her leadership position was quickly overrun by Level 7/8 agents – which pretty much means she is not suitable at all for a leadership position within S.H.I.E.L.D.

Skye’s investigation was okay. I laughed a little when she appeared as Melinda May in front of Lloyd (Rob Huebel), but until that scene, her plan was kind of … I don’t know, not existent, maybe? The scene in Lloyd’s car, for example. Before that scene it looked like Skye knew what she was doing, but when she had the idea of crashing the car and getting to Lloyd’s place through roadside assistance, I got the feeling that her idea got born right there, and not when she was singling out Lloyd for her investigation. Also, why did the valet not notice that Lloyd’s car was being stolen? Sure, I’m nitpicking right now, but the valet was seen right before Skye took the car. The scene would have had less reason to be nitpicked, if the valet wouldn’t have been in the picture before – another sign of simply lame writing. At the end, that Skye would find out what Victoria and her men could have found out as well was a little lame. Seriously, Skye’s investigation wasn’t even complicated at all. Victoria knew the lead Skye was on, so she could have checked the money trail as well, but the script really made her look ridiculously ignorant in this episode. There was no need for Skye to be kicked out of the Bus and to play her little game, and there was no need for Victoria to not listen to Coulson’s team. Especially when Skye came up with a possible location for Coulson. I could only shake my head.

In the meantime, Coulson’s torture was … Well, it could have been more. That Edison Po (Cullen Douglaswould be killed by the Clairvoyant was predictable, because of the shitty way he was written into the last episode. What a shame that it wasn’t Raina (Ruth Negga) who killed him. I really would have liked to see her do some real evil shit this time. I mean, she hasn’t even killed someone on her own, instead she just has her henchmen, as well as the Clairvoyant now. Can she even kill people, or is she too emotionally invested in her victims that she cares about them? Her scenes with Coulson looked that way, and she seemed honest when she told him that she is only interested in the secrets S.H.I.E.L.D. keeps from Coulson, and would like to help him reveal those secrets. The “flashbacks” were a little disgusting – I was a little “eurgh” when I saw Coulson’s brain without his skull cap protecting it, and the robotic machine “fixing” the brain. At least the episode gave some answers about Coulson’s after-death experience though. Suddenly I know a little more now, though I find it a little sketchy that this episode kind of created zombies in the MCU now. Okay, the flashbacks didn’t show what Coulson had become right after his revival, but it all looked, sounded and smelled like zombies. But, of course, no answers of how Coulson was revived.

The few final character moments between Coulson and his team were great though. Skye almost sees a father figure in him, and Coulson is truly thankful for his guys saving his life – as if that was the final proof for him to completely trust his team, especially Skye. Which brings me to say that I really want to see a father/daughter relationship between Coulson and Skye. It would not only bring more depth to the characters, but it also would bring a character arc in general. And this show needs a character arc right about now. 6.5/10

S.H.I.E.L.D. likes to shoot people in the neck

S.H.I.E.L.D. likes to shoot people in the neck

S.H.I.E.L.D. likes to manipulate people's brains

S.H.I.E.L.D. likes to manipulate people’s brains

Written by Christian Wischofsky

May 11, 2014 at 8:44 PM

Episode Review: MARVEL’S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. (“The Bridge”)

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Agents of SHIELD LOGOSeason 1, Episode 10
Date of airing: Dec 10, 2013 (ABC)
Nielsen ratings information: 6.11 million viewers, 2.1/6 with A18-49

What a fitting title for this episode. It really seems to be the bridge between the first half of the season and the second half. While the first half was all about establishing the world of Marvel Comics on television, this episode kinda seems to be the beginning of the beginning of the end. With threads from the first few episodes picked up again and this episode not depicting a new and unseen element, the writers obviously realized they can go all procedural-ish for the complete season. Also, this episode ends with a cliffhanger, which makes it even more obvious that AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. is finally beginning. Which is good news. But there are also bad news. I still don’t care about the characters, and I still wouldn’t mind if they all died some time in the near future and are replaced by a new team. The characters are definitely the biggest problem of the show. During the last nine episodes, and, as it stands, during the next few episodes as well.

But whatever, the episode was good. Maybe even the best episode so far, question mark. The return of Mike Peterson (J. August Richardswas to be expected sooner or later, and I liked that the writers returned him to the show, though his “I wanna do good” annoyed me after the third or fourth time. It’s completely fine that Mike wants to pay back all the hurt he has created in the pilot, but he could have mentioned it once, or only twice, to show the characters that he is serious about doing a good job. Mike still stands as an intriguing character, because he is a super-soldier after all, but his behavior in this episode was way overdone. Especially during the final act, when he was betraying Coulson (Clark Gregg), and realized he couldn’t go through with the betrayal and decided to save the world again. Here I question Mike’s decision: He wanted to do good for the whole of the episode, but in that one moment he decided to take his own route and go for his son? I can understand that (the bond of family is still stronger than the bond for his job), but when he wanted to do good, why didn’t he tell Coulson and his team in the beginning that Raina (Ruth Neggawanted Coulson and not him? It was clearly obvious for Mike that Coulson and S.H.I.E.L.D. have more stuff to work with, and probably could have helped him out of that kidnapping situation, which is why I don’t understand why Mike kept that secret for himself until the end.

The development of the super-soldier program gets a little boring these days. The pilot and “Girl in the Flower Dress” already established that the super-soldier serum is not stable and that it will kill the hosts eventually, so I didn’t need a repeat of that story here. Also, why would the soldiers (ridiculously still in their Army uniforms) break out a prison inmate and probably kill people for other people, who definitely have a bad agenda against the United States? I mean, they are definitely soldiers, fighting for their country, and yet they are working for people who stand against their country. There is absolutely no logic behind this. It might be explained with the serum turning their hosts into simply bad people, making them bat-shit crazy, but the writers could have at least have Raina and Edison Po (Cullen Douglas) talk about it in one scene.

In the meantime, Edison Po was a ridiculous character. His coolness during the prison break was such a cliché, I couldn’t stop rolling with my eyes. And then his second scene: eating his meat like a pro in a warehouse, and of course he has to bitch in a cool way about it. That was the worst villain trope ever, and I couldn’t believe that the writers used it twice within ten minutes. I almost puked out my dinner again. I also hate Edison’s coolness in general. Can’t he be in a little bit of fear, when S.H.I.E.L.D. is attacking his Project Centipede, and when he is talking about the Clairvoyant killing people for wanting to meet him/her/them/it (interesting – also a writing cliché – that the characters never refer to the Clairvoyant with a gender-specific pronoun)? Can’t he be a little more of a character than a troped-up villain? Raina at least gets some character depth in this episode, which I liked, but even she annoyed me to a degree. But at least I realized that she tries to manipulate Edison in a way, so that she gets to meet the Clairvoyant. That’s more character development for a villain than Edison got in his second appearance.

Skye’s (Chloe Bennetongoing character arc was alright, but I hate it when it doesn’t go anywhere within two episodes. I also hate that she doesn’t take the initiative to find out more about her parents. It’s obvious that her mother was probably in business with S.H.I.E.L.D. and it’s obvious now that Skye is not getting the answers she wants to get, so why isn’t she taking a few steps forward and looks for the answers herself. She betrayed Coulson twice a few episodes ago, and she is talented enough to find out information about people, so why isn’t she doing anything by herself and instead waits for answers coming out of Coulson’s mouth? Or Melinda’s? It’s just ridiculous how the writers are not coming up with answers. First this story, which just gets carried out until the viewers have completely forgotten about it, and then Edison’s “I share the information when the time is right” during the very few Clairvoyant teases. I completely hate TV writers for pulling these cards – it’s unnecessary, and it’s idiotic. What is keeping them from revealing the answers in the middle of the season? It’s not like AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn’t have a roster of just a few secrets and archvillains. The writers can go back to the comics and unravel dozens and hundreds of villains and secrets, so why are the writers waiting? 6/10

S.H.I.E.L.D. is training their own football team

S.H.I.E.L.D. is training their own football team

But the coach is being kidnapped right now

But the coach is being kidnapped right now

Written by Christian Wischofsky

May 4, 2014 at 8:52 PM

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