A Man. And His Blog.

Season 1, Episode 4 (4)
Date of airing: Jan 30, 2012 (FOX)
Watched for review: Jan 31, 2012
Number of review in January/2012: 30/153

And it doesn’t stop. Another one of those mysterious episodes with a mysterious key and missing answers to my not so many questions. I’m really getting allergic to those kind of stories and twists, because they are making me angry, frustrated, and it brings absolutely nothing for the storytelling. Why not revealing what was behind that door at the end? Just because it’s a secret doesn’t mean that the writers are not able to show the secret in this exact episode (and not a season later). Why is it that producers think that mysteries like this, after LOST, are still accepted? Or maybe it’s just I’m seeing things in a different perspective now, and I’m the only one realizing that the mystery fest is just a simple crap fest full of bullshit. I should cancel this show right now, saving me from nine other one-hours, which will probably bore me as well as this episode did.

While last episode’s Kit Nelson was at least a creepy guy, and was able to save the episode in a few moments, Cal Sweeney (Eric Johnson) was a complete boring character. Nothing was given by the writers to make me care about his character in the 1960s storyline, and again, the flashbacks weren’t even connected with the present storyline. Why wanted Cal to hear the story of the necklace? Why was he so reluctant in getting that box back? Why did he seem to be a respected guy in Alcatraz, when it needed one random guy to con him and send him into solitary? Questions beyond questions, and I don’t even think we’ll be getting the answers any time soon. Let alone ever. This is just what bugs me nowadays: Writers and producers think they have created this big interesting mystery, think that they can keep the audience interested, because it’s all mysterious and stuff, but they don’t seem to realize they are not giving any answers, making it frustrating for some of the audiences, because they just want a story. Not a mystery, a simple story. That’s the problem ALCATRAZ has: It wants to be a big mystery, and it fails to keep the story going,

Which makes both storylines, flashbacks and present, redundant. Not just did I not care abut Cal and his efforts to get the box back (though his connection to E.B. [Jason Butler Harner] could be interesting in the future, when the two might return in a present-time storyline), the storyline in the present was full of uninteresting twists and turns. Not even the fact that he was one of the keyholder makes me hot. The writers haven’t even established one bit about the mystery, so why should I clap in my hands and say”Yeah, another key episode (literally)”? ALCATRAZ is such a perfect example of how you should NOT build a mystery into your show, when you’re not even planning to give anything during the first season. It’s just annoying, and it pisses me off.

At least the little hostage situation was alright. It was one of the better twist, because all of a sudden, there was a story to be told. Unfortunately, it didn’t even take one full act for Rebecca (Sarah Jones) to break into the bank (seriously? That easy?), and for Cal and her to break out again. And how predictable was it for him to break out in a SWAT uniform. Dammit, I watched NIKITA and SUPERNATURAL to know that he is coming out with a SWAT uniform. No shocker there, and I just yawned. And unfortunately for the episode that the hostage situation was the only good thing about the episode. Five minutes, maybe less of it, makes 11.6 percent of the episode worth my time. Just weak, when almost 90 percent are wasted with stuff like flashbacks, a tin box with literally nothing in it, and Rebecca not even questioning Emerson’s (Sam Neill) motives (regarding the keys and his job in general). Now that she knows he knows about the keys. The stupid “what’s it for” question was ridiculous, especially since I already knew Emerson would give the answer. Okay, he actually doesn’t know either, but having another secret room down on Alcatraz just makes this whole bullshit look even more bullshittery.

The conclusion to this episode: I hate ALCATRAZ. So, why am I still watching it? Because I wanna see how long the writers are needing to get the story going. Would be interesting to know if writers can waste a whole fucking season to get something started. If they manage to do this, then respect. ALCATRAZ will be the most horrible written television series in my book. Come to think of it, Elizabeth Sarnoff has written the rather horrible episodes of LOST (“Further Instructions”, “Stranger in a Strange Land”), so why didn’t I see it coming? Oh yeah, I’m always for redemption. I thought she learned something from her earlier mistakes. So let’s see what Jennifer Johnson is doing after the seventh episode. Maybe I’ll just cancel ALCATRAZ for good now, because I can’t stand it at this time. Why fighting myself through nine more bullshittery episodes without a story, when I could have it easier? 3.5/10

Evil Cal and his evil face

Meanwhile, Rebecca wishes to be kick-ass

Season 1, Episode 3 (3)
Date of airing: Jan 23, 2012 (FOX)
Watched for review: Jan 27, 2012
Number of review in January/2012: 113/123

Are you kidding me? What am I gonna do with this episode, which literally gave me nothing to work with. Another simple inmate-of-the-week episode, which had nothing to do with the mystery of the show. In fact, I don’t even know if the writers knew during the production what the big secret will be. Or if they knew when they would release it into their scripts. When I hear Rebecca (Sarah Jones) saying that 302 bad and scary people have returned, I wonder if she’s also talking about the guards. I wonder if all the returnees are as evil as the previous two inmates. I wonder if even the little robber or innocent man (there will definitely be an episode about the smaller people) will be the evil, serial killing guys. Three episodes in, and the show still doesn’t have any kind of focus. Super-lame and disappointing.

Even the story couldn’t entertain me, though Kit Nelson (Michael Eklund) was a creepy enough character to make it worth the while. I don’t even wanna think about the possibility that the show tries to go into all the inmates and guards first, before going into the story of how they vanished and why they returned. Am I really gonna waste my time with generic standard plots, without them ever going into something of a serialized storyline, or going into the mystery of the plot? Why not bringing Lucy into the 60s plot, letting the audience realize she’s not just in danger in the present storyline, but also part of the Alcatraz history back in the 60s (and maybe even the 50s). It would have been a great opportunity to bring Lucy into that plot after last episode’s cliffhanger, but the writers didn’t. Why not? In addition, they could have somehow delivered something for the bigger picture of the show. It’s the second episode in a row, where Rebecca and Diego (Jorge Garcia) just take it that another time traveler is back, continuing where he left off before Alcatraz happened, without anybody asking any kind of question. What am I supposed to think as a viewer, who has enough of all this bullshit mystery?

I was thinking exactly that, when Diego came with “When I was eleven”, didn’t finish his story, and Rebecca ended with “You’re having an origins story by yourself”. I was vomiting right there – why not telling what happened to Diego right in that scene? Why not giving away the secret right there, right now, letting Rebecca have something she can think about. But noooo, nothing was told. Instead Diego just told his story to Dylan (Will Shadley), who we probably won’t see ever again in the show, and the heroine of the show still doesn’t know about her partner’s childhood (it also makes me ask why Emerson [Sam Neill] knows). That’s just silly writing, and I would never let the reader or the audience dance around a hot topic, which isn’t supposed to be released into the story just yet. Either say it out loud or let it be. Or bring the question marks of that little mystery into the plot, where it makes sense. But don’t just do nothing and let it stay in the room like an elephant.

I don’t even wanna ask the other questions. Most notably why Emerson canceled the Amber alert. But I fear that all those questions are just part of the mystery plot, which will never be mentioned again in this season. Like the possibility that we will have zombies at the end. Or that plan Emerson has about his old friend. Questions in a row of even more questions. And I’m tired to be asked all this crap, when the writers don’t give me any reasons, why I should continue watching this show.

The flashbacks were more interesting this time. But only because Kit was a sorry bastard with all those creepy guys. What a shame there wasn’t more about him though, since his own story was missing in the present storyline. I would have loved to see more scenes with his father (Mackenzie Gray). I would have also loved to see what happened with him in the sound-proof solitary (but hey, the writers barely give answers already, so why showing those scenes in the first place?). Unfortunately, the flashbacks always feel like filler. They seem unimportant in the first place, because they only give background to the villain of the episode. Yet the background given mostly has nothing to do with the plot of the present. So, here the writers still have to learn to connect both timelines to make the stories more compelling.

Yes, my hate for this show is speaking now and clouding my mind. But I just can’t carry a show over a span of multiple years with those kind of mystery building. When I facepalm throughout two thirds of the episode, it’s obvious I will never be a friend of the mystery. Same thing happened with TERRA NOVA just a month ago. Now it’s happening again with ALCATRAZ. I really hope mystery shows like FLASHFORWARD or THE EVENT (and now this one here) are dead now. You can build mysteries and asks questions, but don’t be so silly about it. Don’t ask those questions and forget them for the next ten (thousand) episodes. Remember Mister X from the FRINGE comic episode? Well, there you have it. That’s ALCATRAZ, only worse, because I still don’t care about the characters. 3/10

Someone is angry and someone is annoyed

Fire and crazy guy in the hole!

Season 1, Episode 2 (2)
Date of airing: Jan 16, 2012
Watched for review: Jan 20, 2012
Number of review in January/2012: 88/94

Seems like it’s a curse in television: Bad pilots are bad, but when it comes to the second episode, they are mostly better. What does it tell about the pilots and the writers’ efforts to build the setting, the characters and the story in the premiere? Why does it fail there, but why does it work in the next episode?

The episode was okay. Still nothing to wow me, or let ALCATRAZ shine in a positive light, but at least it doesn’t push for the mystery anymore. In fact, the mystery wasn’t even mentioned. No questions for Cobb (Joe Egender), and where he was during the last 50 years, no mention of a mission here. Instead Cobb was just a crazy guy on a killing spree, because he didn’t have a mother. Cry me a river. When the writers have to resolve on those kind of stories in the second episode already, then I don’t wanna know how episodes three to six are looking like. I really hope Jennifer Johnson has done something with the show, before she got on board, because I don’t wanna fight myself through the boredom.

But things were working better this time: Rebecca (Sarah Jones) and Diego (Jorge Garcia) were more of a team, Emerson (Sam Neill) was less of a creep and villain-type, Diego actually asked question, and the ending served a nice little cliffhanger, which also explained Lucy’s (Parminder Nagra) missing interest in answering Diego’s question from before. Now that Lucy can be considered a time-traveler, it does also mean not just 302 people disappeared that night in 1963. I really hope Emerson knows about Lucy’s secret which is why she is working for him – otherwise it’s gonna be stupid storytelling, when Lucy is build to be an antagonistic character, when she is actually one of the good people. Unfortunately, present-Lucy survived the shot. I was actually quite surprised she was shot, and hoped she would die, just for shock value. Since the writers had Lucy in the 60s, she still would have been an integral part of the show. But dead in the present. But no, she is just in a coma and surviving. Not that she’s hopping around in two episodes or so. I don’t need that ridiculous shit.

More things were working though: Like Jack (Jeffrey Pierce) being in the center of the background attention. The scene with him and Cobb at the end was interesting. I didn’t even expect for Jack to return that fast, but now it looks like he’s gonna be a source for answers, because he had a mission and a key – Cobb didn’t (as it seems). Also, Rebecca worked better as a character. The scene in the washroom, hitting the paper towel dispenser, was one more character scene the pilot didn’t have. So I’ll take it, and it shows Rebecca can also be mad. Other than that, in the most part of the episode, she could have been more angry. Her emotions are just not there. She has an iron face. Iron lady. Iron ladies are boring, when they have forced character moments in the episode. Positive though is her team-up with Diego: Despite my inability to understand why Rebecca needs Diego, the two were working together. Diego’s “If I’d be Cobb” game delivered nice investigation and a theory for Rebecca (and it was logical too!), and if the writers manage to bring him more into the game, and kill the logical mistakes of his character (he has to read his book to get the answers he is looking for?), then he could actually be a real partner for Rebecca. With a gun.

I have one big problem though: What’s with all the stuff left on Alcatraz? This thing is a sightseeing attraction, and there are still letters and files in the basements, as well as stuff in the cells? I find that hard to believe. Very hard. 6/10

Rebecca is so tough, she's impersonating a sniper without a rifle

"Have you seen that woman on ER?"

Season 1, Episode 1
Date of airing: Jan 16, 2012 (FOX)
Watched for review: Jan 17, 2012
Number of review in January/2012: 71/71

Mystery television hasn’t died yet. After the series finale of LOST, some have probably thought about the question, if it’s possible to tell another interesting and suspenseful mystery shocker like the work of J.J. Abrams, Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse. FLASHFORWARD fell flat, since it never focused on the main story arc, V proved how writers are not caring about plot holes and irregularities, and FRINGE has pacing problems on his own. Now there is a new mystery blockbuster in television, and it’s on FOX again. But ALCATRAZ doesn’t seem to be the savior of said mystery genre. The first impression of the show from Bad Robot seems like, as if it was written for the future fans and nerds of the show, as well as an audience, who is bound to rediscover the genre. ALCATRAZ comes off second best against FRINGE though, and this for mostly one reason: The mystery of the prison island gets never really developed.

The pilot episode begins with a flashback to 1963, accompanied by voiceovers from one Sam Neill, explaining within the first minutes, what’s it all about in ALCATRAZ: The closing of the Alcatraz on March 21, 1963 didn’t happen under normal circumstances, and the prisoners weren’t stuck in other prisons. No, all 302 inmates and guard mysteriously vanished and were never seen of. Until today. Now, almost 40 years later, those inmates return into our world – seemingly all by themselves, all not having aged one single day, all with a specific mission. Meanwhile, SFPD detective Rebecca Madsen (Sarah Jones) is investigating a murder case, which ties to one of the inmates back in Alcatraz. But as she learns, that inmate is dead more more than 30 years. With the help of Alcatraz expert and comic geek Diego Soto (Jorge Garcia), the two are stumbling upon a secret bigger than the frozen donkey wheel.

Whoever awaits something unique with ALCATRAZ, forget it right now. CSI, THE 4400, PRISON BREAK and FRINGE are easily recognizable in the ALCATRAZ pilot – this show is literally the best (and worst) mix of those four shows. Even the characters seem to be clichéd in a form of “seen it already, done the same once”, which you can especially notice with Sam Neill. His character is basically the same he played in the smalltown slash serialkiller slash soap HAPPY TOWN, and the question whether his character in ALCATRAZ is one of the good or one of the bad was even asked back in the short-lived ABC show. But it doesn’t stop there. The two-way team Rebecca and Diego, introduced as a buddy cop team or whatever, don’t have the slightest bit of chemistry, and instead have to rely on what the script is giving them (which isn’t much in this case). Their team-up in the pilot is basically forced and makes it unwatchable at times. Especially when the suspension of disbelief is getting in action. I know it’s part of that particular genre, but how am I supposed to believe the “realism” of the show, when I find the team-up of a professional SFPD detective and an overweight, nerdy expert, who doesn’t have any experience in the job, believable?

But it still doesn’t stop here. Die audiences stumbles upon a few more sticking points over the pilot, when it comes to the introduction of the mystery spot “Alcatraz”. The characters take it for granted that 302 people just disappear into Neverland and obviously reappear one after another 40 years later, without having aged and all. The characters don’t have any hovering question marks above their heads, instead their new job seems to be business as usual. “Hey, a guy who disappeared from Alcatraz 40 years ago came back today, and he still looks the same like 40 years ago. And he killed somebody. Fuck the secrecy, lets hunt him down and arrest him” – that’s basically the motto of ALCATRAZ. Questions and secrets asked and implemented in the pilot are just thrown into the room, so that the watching audience has some mystery meals for the rest of the season – only to be disappointed at the end, because that mystery meal is not exciting enough and definitely boring (and with LOST and FRINGE in the back hand, even nothing new). There isn’t even an explicit mention of the 302 Alcatraz people (who are getting a nickname, like in every other show of its kind: the 63′s) being time travelers or something, executing a grand master plan of somebody or something (aliens?). The characters don’t even ask themselves if there are supernatural plays in the game. when it comes to the disappearance and the return of the 63′s.

Yet it still doesn’t stop there. The main characters, led by tough, but boring Rebecca, and supported by shady and over-the-top cryptic Emerson Hauser, couldn’t be more dull. Sarah Jones tries too hard to be the new action heroine besides Jennifer Garner and Anna Torv (despite Anna Torv not being an action heroine, but a heroine of her own kind), while Jorge Garcia also tries too much to distance himself from Hurley – without much success (if he wouldn’t be a comic geek here…). ALCATRAZ feels in every second like a copy of something already seen, and developed to throw a TV show into the mystery mix after the terrible THE EVENT, just to prove that the genre is still alive and kicking. Only the writers around Elizabeth Sarnoff (who knows how to handle scripts, thanks to her work on LOST [despite being the writer of some rather crappy episodes like "Further Instructions" or "Stranger in a Strange Land"] or DEADWOOD) didn’t really understand how to build a mystery, and how to write the plot and the characters around it. The audience doesn’t need to be scared off or bored, just because the creative start of ALCATRAZ isn’t standard television. You’re gonna have to learn how to connect both the mystery plot and the characters in your story. FRINGE is the perfect example here, the pilot was almost perfect. Also, half an hour longer.

But it’s no mystery anymore, why Sarnoff left the showrunner position mid November 2011 and was replaced by another LOST alumni, also showrunner of seemingly underrated NBC cop show CHASE, Jennifer Johnson. Reasons of the stepback were “creative differences” between Sarnoff and the studio, after the then seven produced episodes obviously couldn’t wow the studio. That’s why most of the first part of the first season is threatening to be as boring and without any new ideas as the pilot, and only after the change of showrunner, there might be a reason to believe that ALCATRAZ will go away from the prisoner-of-the-week theme, and therefore escape from all the copies and duplicates from today’s and yesterday’s television.

The only positive thing about the ALCATRAZ pilot is the optic. Like the FRINGE pilot, the episode looks esthetic, like a movie, and even Michael Giacchino’s score sounds like the adult version of his two MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE scores. But the optic doesn’t save the content, and even the J.J. Abrams haters will again believe that the “bad guy, who ruined LOST”, is again headlining a TV show to its unsatisfying ending (who is still believing that Abrams had something to do with the later LOST seasons, or currently FRINGE?). Optic is not enough to carry a TV show, and it’s a truth FOX recently had to learn with TERRA NOVA. And now FOX is having a deja-vu with ALCATRAZ. 3/10

Angry Jack is angry

Thoughtful Rebecca is thinking