A Man. And His Blog.

Season 11, Episode 10 (396)
Date of airing: Feb 15, 2012 (FOX)
Watched for recap: Feb 15-16, 2012
Number of review in February/2012: 70/193

I always notice after finishing the recap that I still have to write an introductory piece. But this time I’m just too bored to write one. This is just a recap and no one deserves to sit through another minute of stuff I wrote. Except when you chose to come read my stuff. Anyway, I still have one thing to say, before the recap is starting: What’s with the mess of Hollywood round editing wise? I mean, the first episode ends near the end of the a cappella round, the second episode continues into it and stops right after a moment of tease from the first group performance, and this episode suddenly has two different stages to show. Wouldn’t it have been better to bring some order in this mess? I said already I didn’t like that the producers ended the first Hollywood episode with Symone’s blackout, but it also looks kinda bad, when there’s no focus in the Hollywood round, when it comes to the editing process. But I think that’s just me.

So, it’s group day. And after 43 minutes I also realized it’s the solo day of the competition, where the remaining contestants sang with the Idol band, with quite a few surprises. But before that could happen, 185 contestants in 42 groups had to go through a hell of a night, some blackouts, and a very nasty Idol bug, created by one Amy Brumfield.

The first group called The Bettys took on the stage, and I was remembering the problems they had during the last night (also known as: last week’s episode). I should have known back then that their group performances wouldn’t rock, because having seen them perform that mess of a miserable song was painful to watch. With one exception: Brianna Bell (17) was actually the only one in the group keeping it together, rising above the other four girls and delivering a real performance. Which probably had something to do with the falsetto she has gotten herself into the performance. So, it wasn’t really difficult to see Brianna as the best of the five girls, yet I wouldn’t mind if they all get cut. Well, they didn’t. In fact, Brianna got cut, which was a surprise for me. She would have been the one, if I would have chosen one of the girls. The Bettys also show that you will fail your group performance, when you don’t get your shit together during rehearsals. Clashing personalities never win, and after ten seasons they still haven’t learned.

The second group already shows how it’s being done. Even though “Hold On, I’m Coming” bored me out of my mind, it shows that you can deliver a strong performance with an uptempo song, which keeps you on your feet. I can understand the standing ovations from the judges, because the group was giving it all on the stage. And I even noticed that Creighton Fraker (28) sounds like Adam Levine. I don’t know if I have mentioned that before (in fact I’m only remembering a handful of contestants from both AMERICAN IDOL and THE VOICE), but he smashed it here. Also, Jen Hirsh (25) smashed it, giving a stellar performance, deservedly moving on to the next round of the competition.

Six Seven Nine is the third group of the night. You know, the group Brielle Von Hugel (17) was the president of. Or maybe Brielle’s mother, I really don’t know. From this group only Kyle Crews goes home, which is a shame. I liked Kyle, since he battled it out with Brielle. And she can continue to be bossy. And her mother can continue to be right on hating Kyle. Group four had patient zero Amy Brumfield, and their performance started with Jacquie Cera (26) fainting, before the singing even started. Amy kinda kills the group stage here, and she definitely can be considered a reason why this group killed their performance. In the most negative way ever. I mean, forgotten lyrics, the tone too high for both Amy and Jacquie – it was a catastrophe! Both girls are out, and the Idol bug returns home.

After some groups, who forgot their lyrics, group Those Girls and That Boy took the stage and wanted to be the cause of some fun. Unfortunately, the performance wasn’t much of fun, since I got the feeling they changed the key various times during the minute or two they’ve had. Both Christian Lopez (16) and cop with issues Alisha Bernhardt (27) didn’t make it. Like the rest of the group, who all got cut. No tears for them. Hollywood Five is following that failure of the performance, and they are more successful in delivering a good performance. David Leathers jr. (17) and Justin Bieber look’n'soundalike Eben Franckewitz (15) are part of this group, and because AMERICAN IDOL is hot to get the next good-looking youngster on the stage, the two are getting through, with the whole group. Area 451 is following right next, but contestant Imani Handy (17) is way too busy in collapsing every five minutes. After what had happened in the days before, I wondered why she still went on stage and decided to perform. And on the stage, she collapses for a third time (at least visible for the camera). I also find it pretty “perverse” that Johnny Keyser (23) continued to sing after Imani was on the floor already. Wow, I mean… That guy must have balls. That made me a bit surprised that he will actually move on. But I’m not surprised that the judges were hard enough to send Imani home. It would have been unfair to other contestants to send her through, just because she fainted on stage. So yeah, that happened.

The final group of the first day, M.I.T., is stepping on the stage, and it is on between Heejun Han (22) and cowboy Richie Law (19). It’s clear that the whole group can’t stand him and that he’s disrupting the peace of the group. Which is why I wonder how the cowboy didn’t notice all this disruption going on in his group. And I also wonder why the judges were so harsh on the last group, yet so soft on M.I.T. and sending them through to the next round. It was an average performance, where the nerves went over their heads, and during the first half of the episode already, better contestants than this group were cut. It’s still Hollywood round, but already can’t get the decisions of the judges.

The last day of Hollywood includes the performance with the Idol band. The episode I was waiting for, because this is the time you will see what the contestants are made of. And singing with a band always sounds better than a cappella, especially when the contestants are a bit weaker on their voices. Joshua Ledet (19) is the first one on stage, and his anxiety problems weren’t even an issue on the stage. When I would be honest right here, this gut is the first one I really liked in this episode. Joshua sounds like he has already a musical career of 20 years behind him. His vocals sound like that of a professional. I think we have the first one coming from the Hollywood round, who is a serious contender. Colton Dixon (20) was next, and he also showed that the group stage of the Hollywood week can be considered the part of the competition, where you can have a weak voice and still go through (which makes me wonder why the group stage, as fun as it is, is still part of the show. It can’t be all about the drama can’t it?). Same goes to Phillip Phillips (21), who is way better solo than in a band. He had his guitar in his hand, and he was back in his element. Nice to see him having returned to the Idol stage.

Then Jen Hirsh came back on stage and … killed me on the spot. Remember me saying that Joshua Ledet is the one to watch now? Well, scratch it, and replace his name with Jen’s. Her performance was fucking killer, man. I already expected she would be part of a serious competition here, that she would most likely make it to the semi-finals, after being heavily introduced for the first time in Hollywood, and getting the screentime every good contestant should deserve. But this performance? Best of the season so far. At least for me. All of a sudden, she’s a favorite of mine, and I want to see her go through the competition, ruling everything, kicking all the weak voices out. It’s interesting how things can change so fast. Like I said, singing with a band is always better, since most of the contestants seem to be right in their element. It showed for Jen that she feels at home. It was a near perfect performance. Not even follow-up and Adam Levine soundalike Creighton Fraker can hold onto that quality. He’s still good though, but he bored me.

Reed Grimm (26) started quite a story in this stage of the competition. Never having rehearsed with the band, because he wanted to song a cappella (because of his laziness?), 30 minutes before his performance he was given the information that it was against the rules. So hush hush to finding a song, rehearsing it, getting his head around the fact that he has less than an hour to get a song on its legs. And he decided to call his mom, to tell how “awesome” it is, yet starstruck he is, which is why I was thinking he would miserably fail on stage. Especially when he decided to sit behind the drums all of a sudden. Then he started to sing and deliver himself as the next surprise of this episode. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t bad at all. To quote Steven: “Extraordinary.” Stand-out performance. Skylar Laine (17) was one of the ill-fated contestants during Hollywood, and even though she wasn’t as good as Reed just now, she showed she has fought the Idol bug and left it behind her. The only doubts I have about her are the facts that she sang and sounded country. And country on AMERICAN IDOL is always boring.

Rachelle Lamb (26) is the follow-up country competitor of the competition and failed during the second line of lyrics. Well, it happens. Especially when you sing a song you don’t really care about. Positive was that she saved herself pretty quick from the pit and delivered a solid performances. I just don’t think it was solid enough to get her through this round, because she didn’t show off something. Adam Brock (27) decided to give AMERICAN IDOL some white chocolate. Whatever that means in the most literal sense. But it must have tasted sweet, because his performance was one of the great one. Despite my realization that “Georgia on My Mind” gets sung way too often in this stage. No wonder why he wanted to give the judges some extra-white chocolate. With Adam, Solo Day ends, and it’s all about who is going further and who is going home.

Four rooms, around 90 contestants, and the biggest cut of the competition yet. Luckily, the favorites of this episode went along to the next round, including Jen Hirsh, Adam Brock, Joshua Ledet, Reed Grimm, Phillip Phillips, Heenjun Han and Brittany Kellogg. Among the people going home are NBA dancer Brittany Kerr (so, no sexy in the semi-finals) and Rachelle Lamb. Which means we have to wait until the next episode for an even bigger cut. Because that was clearly not everything. All in all, it was an entertaining two-hour piece of entertainment. Especially since it shows two different stages of the competition, giving even more drama than I would have expected. But at the end I’m pretty glad the serious singing finally starts. Even though I believe the Las Vegas round will be as dramatic and emotional as the last episode. 7.5/10

Imani has already blacked out here

The last of the Grimm is the first to use the drums

Season 11, Episode 9 (395)
Date of airing: Feb 9, 2012 (FOX)
Watched for recap: Feb 9, 2012
Number of review in February/2012: 46/169

Well, this is a way to continue a cliffhanger from the last episode. Remember Symone Black, blacking out and falling from the stage, while about to answer one of Randy’s questions? It took the episode six full minutes (together with flashbacks and intro) to get all the answers from the ending from the last episode, including the fates of the line of contestants, who have sung with Symone. Among them was Lauren Mink, whose performance was terrible. And because she had to step forward, I knew she and her “step forward” group had to leave the competition. Not even I would have kept Lauren in after the stunt she pulled during her a cappella number. Anyway, Symone’s blackout and fall actually sounded worse than it looked on the screen. But I still think it was disgusting from the producers to pull that one out of their asses as a hook for this episode. Pretty lame, especially since this was supposed to be the group stage episode from the beginning. And about 15 percent were wasted for Symone and Lauren… Something you could have done with three additional minutes in the last episode. Damn commercials.

Group round. I like that stage of the competition, because that’s cause for some awesome real-life and human drama. The scenes from past seasons were hilarious and just because they showed that the contestants never know how to go through the stage without emotionally hurting themselves. They start to bitch around as fast as it could possibly go, and they will never stop pushing through their own point of view of the situation, their own agenda. Even more hilarious was the search for group members this time, because executive producer Ken Warwick changed the rules a bit. But that wasn’t even the main attraction of this episode. Another six minutes were used to establish that this episode will be horrible. For the contestants. And I will have my fun. This kind of episodes are always the reason, why AMERICAN IDOL should be two hours long every now and then. The drama of Amy Brumfield finding a group, while she is sick with the flu is great drama. The drama of some of the people not being able to find a group, because they either don’t look, or have terrible song choices to offer, is great drama. Why not showing it for ten minutes or so, and let the audience see the chaos of Hollywood. You could fill a whole episode with those six minutes, and yet FOX is not able to make a complete one-hour show out of it. Lame.

The story of Alisha Bernhardt was probably the most hilarious story I have ever encountered. How she was fixated in singing “Joy to the World”, and everybody she asked was stamping it under the Christmas song category. How she was actually having a group, yet lost them, because they didn’t wanna sing a Christmas song. How she was back to square one, looking for a group, despite her efforts of getting flu-sickened Amy into her group. It’s hilarious how you were almost in a group, and lost them, because you weren’t happy with their song choice. That’s another think I like about group stage: If you’re not ready to accept other people’s choices, you are not ready for the semi finals. Obviously, with Alisha being a cop, she can’t make any friends.

In the group rounds, you will also meet all kinds of control freaks. Like Brielle von Hugel, who did go through the group stage last year (and since I didn’t watch last year after the auditions, I don’t know what happened with her afterward) . As soon as the editors were giving her screentime, they were making her the leader of her group, and they were making her shine like the crazy maniac of the group, because she was the only one having experience. Which is true, but stage group is there to show you how many assholes can be in Hollywood, in the same theater. When something changes in the group, the leader doesn’t like it. And when the leader is a girl, there is even more bitchy going on. All thanks to Kyle Crews though, also in that group, because he brought back the order. At the same time, Symone came back from the hospital, and I was surprised that she was still allowed back to the competition after her blackout. I know it’s also about giving chances and opportunities, but with her, I’m not sure if it’s such a good idea. Same goes with Amy, who seems to give away her flu to some of the people. Because she’s not the only one sickening around during the rehearsals. Like Christian from the group “Those Girls and that Guy”, who had to go puking every couple half hours, eventually destroying the pace of the rehearsals of his group. Idol bug has gotten another contestant, while “patient zero” Amy is still standing, finding Jesus in her process.

Meanwhile (and I’m noticing this episode will end before one group has performed in front of the judges – making this episode a group stage double, hooray!) Heejun Han has quite a few problems with the cowboy in his group, whose name seems to be unknown to him, and whose tactic of leading the group is grounds for Heejun to often talk to the camera man, about how idiotic all of it is. About how Heejun sees himself out of the competition already. About how Heejun doesn’t like that his friends at home will laugh about his performance because of that cowboy kid. Funny is that Heejun managed to find ten minutes of his time to talk into the camera, but not to the cowboy himself. Eliminating the problem, not trying to keep it alive. Another thing in Hollywood: The contestants don’t seem to be able to really go into it, to fight for a great performance. As if they are just taking what they got, and accept all the flaws, instead of fixing them. Well, Heejun hates cowboys now. It’s Heejun versus the cowboy. The East versus the West.

A few minutes before the episode is over, it’s clear that it’s after midnight and most of the rehearsing contestants feel the sleep in her eyes and her mind. It’s interesting to see how some people are just ready to kill the rehearsal time, because they are tired and need their beauty sleep, while other contestants want to take all night for rehearsals, to be the best on stage in the morning. I can understand all the discussions about being tired, but the group stage also shows how the contestants, especially the girls, can’t talk with each other like normal people, when they are fighting about going to sleep or fighting about staying to rehearse. It’s a fight everybody loses eventually.

I’m glad (almost) the whole episode was all about the group stage, I would have wished that the first act of this episode would have been part of the last one, because it pulled down the experience of a dramatic, emotional and taunting group round. There was probably lots of drama and bitching, and the producers were only able to use like 35 minutes of it. Especially since it was all about the drama between the contestants, and not the actual rehearsals, which probably only took like five to seven minutes of this episode. Nevertheless, there is a reason why I like the Hollywood stage, and especially the group round. Despite the fact that the drama in a casting show like AMERICAN IDOL is too much for the music competition genre, it helps the audience to get to know the contestants. I know how Heejun ticks now, and I definitely know how Ashley feels about other people she wants to fight. And Amy, who is a fighter – and takes down the rest of the competition. Not with her voice, but with the flu. Which is hilarious, when you think about it. Is all the tension In the house, just because of Amy’s flu? Can some scientist watch this episode please, and give me explanations? 8.5/10

Amy is standing up for her fight

Heejun hates the cowboy in front of him

Season 11, Episode 8 (394)
Date of airing: Feb 8, 2012 (FOX)
Watched for recap: Feb 8, 2012
Number of review in February/2012: 42/165

When the episode begins with the score from SAW, that must mean the Hollywood week will be crushingly excellent, right? I mean, taking the score from a hack/slashing horror movie is more than just a quote or an homage, it’s a question of style. Some stuff must happen, when the producers have thought about using the music from SAW. Torture porn? Maybe for some of the contestants. Welcome to Hollywood. Again, with the “no feedback” method, which makes it pretty hard to recap this episode. If I continue to recap what all the contestants are singling, and I’,m saying it’s good or bad, it’s going to be boring. Even I would bore myself writing it. So, this time, I will keep it short. What I liked I will mention. What I hated I will mention. And every other highlight I will also mention. Since this episode is only 42 minutes short, it will be a short read.

Okay, I have already some things to say about Johnny Keyser (23), who was obviously right, saying he has all the confidence in the world, no fear, no panic. During the first little line break in the song, he had that face, which made him look very bored. Damn, this is Hollywood, and he looks bored. Or was it just his charm for Jennifer? Anyway, I still think this guy is awkward. I can understand why Jennifer fell in love with him (hello confidence, I love ye). No wonder why the following contestant, Heejun Han (22) had it difficult. I was finding his “Why are the guys so beautiful?” funny though. Even guys can think about that once every … Hollywood season of AMERICAN IDOL. If I would choose either Johnny or Heejun, I would take Johnny though. The judges chose them for the next day. So, Heejun’s story to be continued.

I can’t remember Jen Hirsh (25) from the Galveston auditions, so here a few words about her: charming from the first second, but no favorite material. Nice voice, but a boring song choice. She wanted to show off her vocals, which is always a nice tactic for the first day in Hollywood. And though her voice was powerful, the song was boring. But just the song. And then there was Lauren Grey (23) in the same line. Remember Jennifer saying “Lauren Grey” as the final words of one of the audition episodes, making her an instant favorite. Well, it can go very fast from top to bottom: Lauren pretty much sucked during her performance. Which makes me wonder why Lauren still made it through. Her stand-out audition probably helped her through.

Phillip Phillips (21) was another one of those stand-out contestants during the Savannah auditions. His rendition of Thriller was the one, which brought him through. But without his guitar, he was pretty much alone on stage. Also, very over the top. Travis Orlando (18) is another one of those returners. Last year, he got cut after the first round of Hollywood, and his introduction bit said he has learned all year, and knows what the judges are expecting. He wants to prove them wrong this year. After his short performance, I can say his mission was accomplished. And that he was the first real good singer of this episode so far, which was 20 minutes into the running. Then the big shocker: Phillip moves on to the next round, and Travis got cut again. Now I’m disappointed. He was too, obviously. Also, he was the first one to be said “No” in this episode. After 20 minutes. Respect to that.

Jane Carrey (24), daughter of famed Jim Carrey (you can never mention it often enough) plans to stay in Hollywood for the whole week and therefore expects to move forward in Hollywood. Her performance was solid, but nothing spectacular. So, I can understand why the judges didn’t pick her for the next round. Jane is disappointed with herself and goes home. Her dreams are crushed and her expectations weren’t fulfilled. Meanwhile, very first contestant of the season, David Leathers jr. (17) still gets the women, still sounds like part of the Jackson Five, still could be a superstar this season. I don’t really know anymore what I was thinking during his inaugural audition, but he could make it to the top 5, after what he showed in Hollywood. The first step is done, after the judges voted him through. By the way: Brittany Kerr also made it through. What a shame her performance wasn’t shown. At least the sexy is going to continue in Hollywood for another episode.

Savannah auditioner Lauren Mink (25) was one of the more cooler contestants, because I liked her persona. Unfortunately, her Hollywood performance was even worse than the worse auditions of Hollywood. She was stunning in Savannah, but she was a catastrophe in Hollywood. Damn. Even more damn was San Diego auditioner girl Symone Black (16), whose audition ens with a literal fall to the ground. No wonder why this episode opened with SAW music. But I find it pretty much disgusting that the first (well, second) day of Hollywood in AMERICAN IDOL ended with a “cliffhanger”. Of course Symone’s fall is tragic, and we call want to know what happened and if she’s fine. But using it for an entertainment factor. Especially when this episode doesn’t even end with the first round of Hollywood? I mean… Lauren’s fate is still in the open (though she’s clearly out of the race after her horrible performance), and the next episode is group round. So why ending this episode not with the actual end of the first Hollywood round? Just because one of the contestants made a face-splash? I’m disgusted, producers. Also, disappointed.

At the end I have to say that the Hollywood episodes could be longer. Especially this a capella round needs two hours. To make the unknown contestants shine, who we haven’t seen during the audition episodes. To get more out of the actual auditions, which were too short to make my face go wow. That also made this episode a bit boring, and I hope for more action during the group round. Which promises more drama automatically. 5.5/10

Jen Hirsh succeeds in being good

The judges are more interested in Symone's head wound though

Season 11, Episode 7 (393)
Date of airing: Feb 2, 2012 (FOX)
Watched for review: Feb 3, 2012
Number of review in February/2012: 20/143

The producers must be happy to start an episode of AMERICAN IDOL with a flashback. Now that they have ten winners, loads of superstars, and all that kind of stuff, it’s no surprise that the St. Louis auditions open with Carrie Underwood. Though I was quite surprised it opened like this. With her half of the introduction bit the fourth season probably aired back in the day. It was touching how Carrie saw her audition coming. Would probably be nice to do a whole spin-off series of established singers and stars, famed through AMERICAN IDOL, and how they started off with the auditions. With every tape FOX can find!

The auditions started off with Johnny Keyser (22), who lives together with his father, after his parents got divorced. “He’s like my brother, more than my dad”, he says. “We got each other’s back.” Seems like there is some romance between father and son, which seemed alright. Also, Johnny looks like a real star from a real TV show from The CW. And since he’s going to Hollywood, he has the chance to be a real heartbreaker during the final shows. Yes, I’m betting he will be in the final shows, but I’m not gonna take your money. In addition I have to say that the judges can also be funny, when they’re rude. First I was a bit flummoxed, when first Steven, and the Jennifer interrupted Johnny in his performance, but then it developed to a running gag. Which was kinda funny. Especially since Johnny didn’t even care, laughed a bit, answered some questions, and continued to sing, as if he doesn’t even notice the apocalypse behind him. That’s charming, and that could be a great tool to win this season in general. Now it’s gonna be interesting, if he transforms to a womanizer, or to a real singer. Despite his vocals, I kinda hated how he played with the song. It’s always about showing the range of the voice, instead of just singing it. But I seem like the only one getting annoyed by it every time.

David Coleman (28) was obviously so good that the producers decided to make an homage to THE ARTIST. A whole audition as a silent movie, and the thought if it is hilarious. I wonder if AMERICAN IDOL can’t do another spin-off with all kinds of silent auditions. Because that would actually be comedy for once, and it would bring the watching families back to the lost art of Hollywood. I mean, even the “dawg” was there, putting on a show for all the people who haven’t seen THE ARTIST. What a shame it was so short. And I wondered if David really sounded that bad…

Another mother, currently going through a divorce, takes part in the auditions. Rachelle Lamb (26) was a professional singer once, and now, with her dreams being taken from her ex, she sings “Find Somebody New” in front of the judges. Which brings the explanation, why the Portland audition episode was rescheduled to a week later. last episode’s contestant Britnee Kellogg and Rachelle here literally have the same story. And bringing them back-to-back in two different audition cities might be logical. Maybe the producers were seeing a theme with those two episodes (even with the song choice). Or maybe I’m just seeing things. Anyway, Rachelle brought her daughter with her on the stage, so that she looks even more cute than she already is (Rachelle I mean). Well, it kinda helped, because daughter Maddie was dancing her feet off, while mommy Rachelle was pretty much delivering a good performance. It was a bit of funny, it was energetic, it was light and pure (to quote Randy and Jennifer), so she kinda deserved the ticket to Hollywood. The thing is just: Rachelle is uninteresting for a contender. I don’t know, but bringing her daughter up on stage, and scoring with her seems lazy for me. Well, at least she can sing.

Reis Kloeckener (20) is now the best example, why not every bullied kid has to go through all the dramatic and torturous shit through high school. Also, how you come back to the episode after five minutes of craziness and a nice message (parents having auditioned and now the kids are having their chance?). His story is like the real-life GLEE event right on the audition stage. Which is fine by me. As long as the producers find someone, whom they can deliver a moral and a message with, AMERICAN IDOL will always be something for the whole family. In addition, this guy was in a choir, which is even more GLEE than I would have expected. So, Reis was bullied AND was in the choir. Seems like a winning connection for AMERICAN IDOL. Reis was a good performer, but he wasn’t as special as Steven wanted to tell me. After all, singing “Lean On Me” is a big stereotype, and every good singer can sing “Lean On Me” and wow the judges. Even I know that after four years of watching (and kinda-watching) AMERICAN IDOL. Which also brings me to say that I’m pretty pessimistic about all the contestants during the auditions. I don’t really like anyone here so far…

Daddy issues come with the next contestant: Ethan Jones (22) dropped out of school to be a full-time musician with his father in a band. Only his father got more interested in booze and drugs, which is why father and son don’t have such a great relationship anymore, despite Ethan saying his father “is a great man”. And after bringing the next story for the next contestant behind us, he actually sung “I’ll Be” by Edwin McCain. I just think about the time, when I heard the song for the first time and fell in love with it (“Parker.com” in the second season of SEVEN DAYS, during a sex scene no less). Back then I was thinking (with all my missing knowledge about music) that the song is so rare, almost nobody would know it. I even sang it in school in front of my class as an assignment, that great I think the song was back then. Today, not so much, because it’s just a tiny classic for me. So, now I have delivered my story. To a song I might say. Anyway, Ethan was a nice singer, the performance was nice, Randy brought another one of his “You look nothing like you sound”, and Jennifer tried actual music criticism, even though it sounded nice and all. Ethan will be in Hollywood, so let’s see if he’s scratching himself in the face, when he’s even more in pressure to perform.

Kenan Thompson was the next contestant. Well, he looked like Kenan Thompson in his first image (sue me). His real name is Mark Ingram (28) and he actually works in the hotel AMERICAN IDOL is auditioning in here. So, he’s basically singing at home during his audition, and he brought with him his “family” of hotel staff. Seems like it’s going to be a crazy and wild audition, so count me in to the surprised ones, when he actually started off good. I couldn’t believe there was a voice there, and he still couldn’t sing. Kenan, umm… Mark definitely had some range there, but he couldn’t even hold the melody. Jennifer was even forced to say no, because she wanted to say “Yes” so bad. Which brought Mark to sing another song, which he horribly failed with his loud voice. Mark surprised me with his good voice and the fact he was a bad singer. Talk about contrasts.

The final contestant of the episode was Lauren Gray (22), who delivered another father story. That made me realize that the whole episode is father-related. I think that’s not a coincidence. Singing with fathers, the fathers being the reason why they are auditioning, fathers here, fathers there, and in the middle, we have single mothers, because they are going through a divorce. When I think about what target audience AMERICAN IDOL has, it’s interesting to see who’s turning up for an audition this season. That makes me happy, because I don’t wanna have millions of those teenagers taking the spotlight from Twentysomethings, who already have experience in the business, and just want to pursue their dreams. (And I think most of the teenage contestants just want to be famous) Unfortunately, I was hoping for Lauren to be a superstar right on the spot, but she is one of those contestants, who are overdoing it. Did she actually has a voice a bit lower than the Adele song she was singing? Sounded like she was only hitting five notes, though her voice sounds great. I think her problem with me was the song choice, but I see why she’s going to Hollywood.

At the end, Jennifer only had two words. For whom, she didn’t say. But those two words were “Lauren Gray”. As if she just teased the big cliffhanger of the Hollywood round. Especially since this was the last audition episode. Ending it with a name is more than just leading up to the next stage of the show. And finally: Can FOX produce a spin-off with taxi driver Walter? Not that his rampages were hilarious or anything, but to finish off this recap with one of those themes… 7/10

Rachelle and daughter hitting it

This is not an Adele impression

Season 11, Episode 6 (392)
Date of airing: Feb 1, 2012 (FOX)
Watched for review: Feb 1, 2012
Number of review in February/2012: 11/134

AMERICAN IDOL is in Portland, Oregon, and starts its sixth episode of the season with “Dog Days Are Over”. They are in Portland for the first time in the series’ history, which seems a bit familiar to me. I have the feeling almost all the previous five audition episodes were in their cities “fort he first time”. But that shouldn’t be a problem here. The biggest question is if one audition episode can deliver some of the goods of AMERICAN IDOL, instead of showing one weirdo after another. At least the first two minutes look like every other AMERICAN IDOL episode in the last ten years.

The first contestant of the episode is the big dreamer Brittany Zika (21), also called “Tripster the Hipster” for unknown reasons. Story is missing here, dear producers. ANyway, she is one of the contestants, who is so nice, you’d wish for her to go to Hollywood. Randy said she doesn’t look anything like she is sounding, which I have to disagree with. For the first moment I laid eyes on her, I knew she would have a good voice. Okay, her Sara Bareilles story might have helped with that revelation, but I just want to say I have to disagree with Randy. Hearing her sing “The Story” (one of the better songs by Brandi Carlile for sure) made me happy. Because she really could sing, and my hopes were fulfilled. Brittany is definitely one of the “lighter” contestants of the show. Not really a favorite yet, but who could turn to be a big frontrunner at the end. If she is making it through Hollywood. I will keep an eye on her for sure. And hopefully she doesn’t trip on the much famous west coast ever again.

Philadelphia’s native Ben Purdom (18) goes in sick into his audition, and actually had balls to sing a song by Lady Gaga. Which was literally the last stepping stone for the usual great comedy of audition episodes. This guy was a singing comedian without any kind of talent, and he somehow annoyed me with his finger snipping. It clearly was not one of the better auditions, but at least it was one of the better auditions of the worst auditions. One of the contestants, who could actually hold the notes, and (thanks to Ryan’s voiceover after his audition( makes me question if Ben would have had a better audition without sickness in his throat. Not that he seemed to be talented, but he was proof you should never go into an audition with a frog in your throat or stuffings in your nose, because you will fail. Except you have such a super voice that you can go past the sickness and rock the judges anyway. But when did that happen in AMERICAN IDOL? (I want video proof!)

Jermaine Jones (24) gets an introduction bit, which makes him shine like a true singer. “It’s my time, it’s my turn”, and his mother saying he came out singing during his birth did make me wonder if I will be terrifyingly disappointed during his audition. The (very, veeery) big guy sang “Superstar” for his audition, and I had difficulties with this one. First, I didn’t even recognize that song. Second, Jermaine’s voice might be spiritual, but it doesn’t seem to be something for AMERICAN IDOL. Third, his whole uniqueness, as Randy put it, is kind of not my thing. I can say he was a good-enough singer to deserve that ticket to Hollywood, but I don’t think he is good enough to actually make it in Hollywood. Or I might underestimate him though, because of the song he chose to audition with. Who knows, maybe that almost-seven-foot guy is a real rocker with a Bon Jovi song? Or maybe Jermaine is the new womanizer with the ballads he will be singing? I don’t know. But if I would be one of the judges, I’d say he chose the wrong song to show his offerings (I’m using SPARTACUS slang now).

The next contestant is another Brittany (just spelled differently) with a tragic story: Two-time mommy Britnee Kellogg (27) has broken up with her basketball playing man, after she pursued his dreams with him, and decided to make out with other women. So, Britnee is basically one of those contestants with a family who loves her, a loving charm, and tears in her eyes, when she talks about her (kind of highlight-less) past. But it really makes her amazing in a way I can’t describe. Maybe it’s the “breakup stories” of contestants, who want to prove themselves on AMERICAN IDOL, after having lived through a complicated love and family life. It’s good drama, and there are true emotions I can actually connect with. That’s maybe why I mostly can’t begin anything with all the other “tragic” stories, while Britnee’s little life story was touching for me. And yeah, it was funny that she chose “You’re No Good” as her song. To make her appearance short here: good voice, she has talent, she can rock this competition (especially when she went high and raspy with her voice), and I’m glad she goes to Hollywood. Could be a favorite of mine. So, Britnee is the second contestant of the episode I’ll keep an eye on. The output is great so far.

Sam Gershman (21) is a woman. Her father’s name is Ira. She seems to be a happy personality. Having fun in the holding room, smiling while in front of the judges, and definitely with a big rack. What a shame she made a fool out of herself on the audition stage. Steven said it’s a little too Broadway for AMERICAN IDOL. But even I doubt it’s true. Bringing Sam right beside Rachel (yeah folks, I mean GLEE-Rachel), Rachel would eat Sam alive in any time of day. Sam almost makes me love GLEE again. What I want to say here: Steven was kinda wrong with his Broadway comment. Yes, she probably belongs on some stage in this world, but I’ll doubt it’s a musical stage. Maybe Sam should try to be less “nervous” and hyperactive on stage and get her high-pitched voice down. She definitely had a voice somewhere in there, but that was something to shatter windows with. And blow out sensitive ears. She was a funny little quirk though. With a big rack.

Fast food worker David Weed (22) makes fun of his own family name, and says that something in him dies every time he asks someone “Do you want to have fries with that?” It basically makes him a revolutionist against fast food companies – if he would have decided to go that way, instead of trying out for AMERICAN IDOL. Because his audition was blowing. But only David’s mind. His audition was so over the top, I don’t even know what I can say about it. Or against it. Except that was nothing. And except he better not try it as a stand-up comedian. Judging from the “joke” he delivered to the judges, I was wondering how he could see himself in the entertainment industry. Hm, that guy gives AMERICAN IDOL a mystery plot. One ALCATRAZ is looking for these past four episodes…

Liberian refuge Romeo Diahn (22) is one of those contestants, who sees a golden future with AMERICAN IDOL, which does not consist of money, fame and women (or men, for the girls). That makes him instantly a likable person, though the story he came with in his introduction bit was boring. There, I said it. Maybe I have seen stories like this in too many movies and television shows to buy it like that. Not that I say he’s lying, or the producers make a biggie out of his refuge story. I just don’t get it. Like every second storyline in one TV show. So don’t take it personally in this case. At least he is one of the contestants on AMERICAN IDOL, who sings like he sounds. He could be the kind of reggae/jazz/soul guy, when he makes it to the final shows. Maybe something like Bob Marley, just without the awesomeness. One of the better performances of the episode (fortunately), and somebody who I would follow in Hollywood. I have to disagree again though. This time with Jennifer. I can actually see what he can sing in the later stages of the audition, which songs he is going to perform. Sure, he might not be able to rock the shit out of the judges and the audience, but he can actually win them with the stuff he performed on the audition stage.

Naomi Gillies (22) seems to be a fan of Steven Tyler, or Aerosmith in general, otherwise she wouldn’t suck up to his ass. Her performance of “Cryin’” sounded like a usual performance of a singer, who might have a voice, and is definitely able to hold the melody. Naomi is definitely one of those forgettable ones, who you couldn’t even remember when your life depends on it. Completely boring. Boredom with a voice. I think that’s a first in this season. But that’s not a good thing to say. How forgettable will she be in Hollywood? She could star in UNFORGETTABLE alongside all those forgettable characters and Poppy Montgomery.

Ben Harrison (28) is a hothead, a blond one at that, which makes him hilarious to see on screen. What would he look like, if he’s on a rampage, or is super-nervous, like on a first date, shortly before being deflowered. Or when he just holds his breath and presses. That’s why I was surprised this gut actually has a voice. This guy can sing Queen, but he’s awkward. Maybe he can’t sing any other bands’ songs, but he can sing Queen. Maybe he should be on a Broadway stage, making it in a Queen musical and getting all red and explosive. Maybe he should star alongside Sam Gershman in some Queen-related comedy musical. Oh wait, that would bring on the end of the world apparently.

Jessica Phillips (25) is another contestant with a story. Touching, this time, though I will probably forget most about it after an hour or so. I’m pretty glad though that the last contestant of the episode also showed that this audition episode wasn’t all about the freaks and weirdos. My wish was fulfilled, and those kind of contestants did not overrun and invade AMERICAN IDOL in Portland. Jessica herself seemed to be an interesting person, who could slip right into the R’n'B genre. Of course she makes it to Hollywood. When did AMERICAN IDOL ever have a contestant with a story, who went in front of the judges last, and didn’t make it through to Hollywood? (I want video proof again!) But that doesn’t make Jessica very much interesting. I’m almost ballsy enough to say she’s the stereotype of dreamers on AMERICAN IDOL. She had a somewhat tragic life, she has dreams with AMERICAN IDOL, and she wants to pursue them. Like everybody else with a tragic story in the backhand. Unfortunately, I didn’t see what the judges were seeing. Jessica was definitely not my highlight of the episode. She can definitely sing, but that doesn’t mean I will be rooting for her. But let’s see how she will sound in Hollywood.

At the end, it was a solid episode. Thankfully, no big screamers (except Sam), no failures (except David), no horrible executioners (umm…). As if Portland was missing the crazy. And I’m thanking Oregon for that. Must be a boring state, ha! By the way: I’m very impressed that the producers were able to cut in ten contestants in less than 42 minutes. I’m used to see much less (and instead much more craziness). 7/10

Brittany shows that she can look nerdy

Romeo brings the refuge drama with a good performance

Season 11, Episode 5 (391)
Date of airing: Jan 26, 2012 (FOX)
Watched for review: Jan 26, 2012
Number of review in January/2012: 101/111

So, it’s the ninth time AMERICAN IDOL is in (or near) Houston, Texas, and weren’t tired to mention once again that Kelly Clarkson once auditioned in Texas and eventually won the season. In addition, the episode was not tired to give some “Spirit in the Sky” as the opening song, together with greeting words from the ISS. Where I wondered: what was that all about? Was it a promo of “Spirit in the Sky” being sung by one of the auditioners? Or was it just because the NASA saw some great promo in their own work, when millions of teenagers see this second of entertainment television and decide to become astronauts? I hope it’s the former. Because I actually want to see somebody singing a real classic. And with a real classic I don’t mean The Beatles, or Aerosmith. Or some of the 90s stuff from Jennifer Lopez…

The first contestant of the day is also another cry-baby, who loves the camera action: Phong Vu (25), whom you can see as the first failure of the day, as soon as he looks into the camera for the first time. Even more, when he started to ta;lk to the judges and repeatedly mention his love for Steven Tyler. And of course he loves Jennifer Lopez (he missed Randy though). This is one of the rare times of the show where you pray to God that this contestant will have a bad voice, and an even badder appearance on the audition stage. It also showed, once again, that the audition episodes of AMERICAN IDOL don’t really care about talent and stuff, instead just wants to get through the crazy stuff, the crazy contestants, and the crazy scenes. You still have the talent in Hollywood and in the live shows, so who needs the talent in the audition episodes? Anyway, thankfully he was a catastrophe on stage. It really would have killed me, when Phong would have been a real singer. Yes, he was the first ear-bleeder of the season. Five episodes into the season, and he was the first one letting my ears bleed. And he really said he could feel the pain of the song (Unbreak My Heart). I could too. Hopefully his empty threat of returning next year is in fact empty.

Skylar Laine (17) was hopefully the contestant to save this episode after ten minutes of horribleness (is that a word?). Unfortunately, she as well didn’t sound much like a great contestant, and her Texan dialect sounded like she would ride the Country music wave from the beginning – a musical genre I don’t really need on AMERICAN IDOL, but everyone for himself. Well, her voice was nice enough to deserve the trip to Hollywood, though I don’t see her as the contestant who saved the episode. At least she wasn’t terrible, but she’s also not a favorite of mine. It proves the cliché that Texan singers with the stereotypical Texan dialect always sing Country. Or can somebody give me the name of a Texan voice singing Folk, Rock, or even Hip-Hop? (when I think about it, Hip-Hop in Texan dialect would probably sound crazy awesome)

The next contestant is an old friend of AMERICAN IDOL: season 6 contestant Baylie Brown (21), who, back in season 6, made it to Hollywood, and was “buuh’d off” of the stage thanks to the non-existent chemistry with two Jersey BFFs. Does this mean Baylie will getting her ticket to Hollywood, even though she hasn’t sung in front of the judges yet? Does it mean that the producers will get her story from season six back on the screen, when she’s making it to Hollywood? Well, of course she made it to Hollywood again this time, but I’m actually interested in the fact that Baylie told to the camera she’s more mature now, while she was a baby five years ago. Could be true. But her voice didn’t wow me. In fact, it sounded a bit artificial to me. Not literally, I mean it metaphorically. Baylie might be a cute baby, eh… I mean, a cute mature young woman, but that doesn’t mean I will be friends with her in Hollywood. 15 minutes into the episode and it hasn’t produced another favorite for me. Somehow I’m feeling left out.

But while Baylie is going to use her second chance for this season, it’s the first and last chance for Kristine Osorio (28), a three-time mother, who is going through a divorce and has decided to use the money she wanted to pay the divorce lawyer with for a ticket to Texas and AMERICAN IDOL. Well, at least the money paid out for Kristine, because she was actually good enough to be considered a favorite of mine. If I like her as a character I’ll see when she’s in Hollywood. For now, I just see in her a three-time mother with loads of tattoos on her left arm, who isn’t much of a special singer in the bunch of singers here. Again, no awesome contestant, who rocks my socks off. Literally this time.

After almost three minutes of awesomeness I want to mention at the end of this review, Alejandro Cazares (26), overweight, annoying, wanted to start a revolution. And he obviously thought the producers were stupid enough to let him go through the judges, so that the editors of the show will have something to fill the episode with. The only thing I liked about his introduction bit was Lady Gaga’s “Alejandro” playing – because it was so much fitting with this guy. And I was shocked about myself, when I found out he was not as terrible as he and his introduction bit looked like. Of course he doesn’t have a voice for AMERICAN IDOL, and of course he seems to be an idiot. But after being introduced to him, I expected worse. My ears didn’t even bleed, so “average” was he. Well, at least the was the first contestant of the season to be shown out by one of the bodyguards in the room. And since he mentioned that his revolution is not over, before he says it’s over (did he just say it’s over?), better expect him in one of the remaining auditions.

When I remember correctly, Cortez Shaw (20) is the first one of the season to sing Adele’s “Someone Like You”. I was waiting for somebody to sing that song, and I wasn’t expecting for a guy to sing it first. And I was actually surprised he could sing that song. It was a nice little audition, with him being a cool and light-hearted guy, who made the judges smile, and who didn’t have any fear on stage. That’s the guts and gals I like on stage, and I wanna see more of those types on AMERICAN IDOL. Otherwise Hollywood is getting uninteresting, because I don’t know all the guys being there and fighting for the semi-final shows. Anyway, Cortez was a cool dude, and I’m happy he advanced. He could be a favorite during the live shows, but for him to become a favorite, he better sing some better songs. Adele is too overhyped for me at this moment, and everybody singing her will get a mad-ass look from me.

Ramiro Garcia (28) is the last contestant of the episode and probably of the day for the judges. When you hear that he’s a worship leader, you’ll probably get big eyes. Like “Oh no, Scientology invades AMERICAN IDOL” (I know he’s no Scientologist, and he’s nobody who could have starred as a villain on Kevin Smith’s RED STATE). But when you hear that he was born without ears, and had to get numerous surgeries to get his hearing canal discovered and repaired, then he might be the story of the past four episodes. Nothing I really care about though. It’s the typical “last of the episode” character, who is going to wow the judges with his or her story. There’s not much to say about Ramiro though. Solid singer, solid contestants. Solid five minutes for him. It’s getting predictable again.

The episode was good because of another factor though: the aforementioned three-minute awesomeness in the middle of the episode, where Jennifer was against her two guys and started to hate them for their decisions. I was actually impressed about how much screentime this part was getting in this episode. I would have thought it would be all about a montage of various “Yes”s or “No”s from the judges, instead they were full-blown auditions with comments from the judges. And I could understand Jennifer’s disappointment for her two guys here, because I remember what Steven and Randy were letting through to Hollywood in the past four episodes – not for the favor of those three people here, who won’t be going to Hollywood. What a shame that there wasn’t a real fight between the judges though. Like, a real verbal fight, with Jennifer saying some harsh things, and Steven saying some harsh things back. While Randy is just laughing or not caring a bit. Whatever.

A final question for this episode: Where was Jennifer Diley? 6/10

Returner Baylie shows what she has learned in the past five years

And Ramiro is proof that dreams can become true

Season 11, Episode 4 (390)
Date of airing: Jan 25, 2012 (FOX)
Watched for review: Jan 25, 2012
Number of review in January/2012: 100/110

Talk about those crazy auditions. Sometimes I ask myself if the producers behind the judges are letting through some of the contestants, just so they can have some crazy reactions by the judges. I also ask the question if Randy acted a bit at the end, giving the same speech the rest of the judges in AMERICAN IDOL history did in past seasons: walking away from an audition and saying absolutely nothing. Well, the Magic Cyclops was there for no other reason. But did he make the episode entertaining?

The episode started with Jenni Schick (24), an overly energetic elementary school teacher, to which Steven replied “Holy shit” – at least this was what I understood at first. I had to watch that twice to realize that FOX did not forget to bleep out language. Instead it was just a simple, boring “holy Schick”. Yeah, that confused me a bit throughout the episode, even though it shouldn’t have. Another confusing thing was Jenni hating recorders. I mean, she is in an audition, with loads of cameras directed on her, and she hates recorders? What is she thinking she was doing at that particular moment? Well, her “wild, crazy, anything can happen” character isn’t a favorite of mine, and since she’s going to Hollywood, I hope she won’t have much presence during th Hollywood rounds. Because I don’t really need a character like her on that show. Then again, this episode delivered loads of characters I don’t need in this show.

Like Angie Zeiderman (25), Lady GaGa fan and definitely the first person to make a show out of her audition. The thing is just: I already don’t like her. She can do her show/performance, whenever she wishes, but please don’t do it on AMERICAN IDOL. It makes you look like you don’t have any real talent, and do the whole Gaga thing, because you don’t have anything else to offer. Next thing: Drop the Gaga thing, and learn who Amanda Fucking Palmer is. When I listened to her second audition, I was actually thinking she could do some cabaret pop, singing with Amanda Palmer or The Dresden Dolls. At least Amanda is only doing a show on stage, which is why I hope Angie is not that crazy off the stage. Nope, I won’t wish her well in Hollywood.

Going back to the better contestants in this episode. Haley Smith (18) could definitely turn out to be one of my favorites in the show, if she’s making it through Hollywood. Her audition was good, but thanks to her natural behavior (the complete opposite of doing a show on stage) she kinda looked and sounded boring. A typical normal girl, who just has fun with singing, and hopes to make it big with AMERICAN IDOL – not really a highlight, considering all the other contestants, but now she has the chance to wow me (and the judges) with her voice. In addition, she’s also one of the contestants you wouldn’t expect much from during her introduction bit, but can you blow away in her audition. The thing is just: I wasn’t blown away. Yet. Hopefully that changes in Hollywood.

Also a likable person was the girl with that funny last name, Alanna Snare (22). And I was really sad, when it turned out she isn’t much of a singer. Her persona during her introduction bit was actually great, and she had loads of fun on stage, but then she couldn’t sing. What a twist shocker. I really would have expected for her to go to Hollywood (before she even started to sing). Here I learned that people like Alanna are the opposite of people like Haley: You’d expect for them to advance, and then they disappoint you with a lame voice and missing talent. Now I’m probably gonna miss her short and precise laughter. It was like I fell in love with her at that moment, and was robbed of my dreams, when she started to sing.

Thankfully, Tealana Hedgespeth (19) couldn’t sing. First off, what’s with those funny names in this episode? Second, if her sister can sing and perform (better, as Tealana was not tired to say), why was she performing on stage, and not her sister? I mean, “stepping out of a shadow” is nice and all, but when Tealana already knows she’s not as good as her twin sister, who is NOT auditioning for AMERICAN IDOL, why was she thinking she could advance to Hollywood? Furthermore, I had the feeling she was the first one given a “No” to for quite a while. WHen I remember correctly, almost everybody went through San Diego with a ticket. It was refreshing to see some contestants, who don’t get one for a change.

The story of the episode belonged to Shelby Tweten (17), who also got a first out of one of the judges. Similar to Tealana though, I kinda hated her quotes. “Bipolar doesn’t define who you are” sounds like a message/moral I never wanna see in a TV show, and it definitely makes me wonder if she made the right decision here. I mean, she is bipolar, and she wants to get through stress like AMERICAN IDOL? Okay, I don’t know any bipolar people, and the only contact I had with that psychic problem was Silver on 90210, but I really wonder how she will cope with the Hollywood experience, since it’s definitely going to show what stress really means for the contestants. By the way: That first of the season was one of the judges crying. Jennifer actually lost a tear (couldn’t really see it on HD though) during Shelby’s audition. Now we have a cry-baby among the judges.

Before I go to that magic show on stage, some words about the “small” auditions in this episode. Like Curtis Gray (28), who kinda bored me with that standard repertoire of voice and song; as well as Devan Jones (26), who looked like a crossing of both Bruce Darnell (look him up, when you don’t know that name), only with better bleached skin color, and Seal. And that’s the only thing I remembered about those two guys. They must have been boring in their performances.

Well, off to Magic Cyclops. WTF? I mean… WTF? Interesting story he had to tell. Growing up in Iowa, only watching BBC, and therefore explaining why he has that British accent. Very funny. That also made him sound like Russell Brand at some parts during his introduction bit, which made him even more funny. Plus the fact that he might be a bearded lady. I mean… WTF? This guy (or lady?) was pure comedy gold in the five minutes (or so) he was on. A nice little laughter, until he’s forgotten. Or not, because I can imagine this will be the guy people look up on the internet (and giving me record-breaking page visits), just to check if he really was an idiot, a comedian, a lady, or just a crazy dude the producers sent through, because they wanted to make Steven or Randy mad. Randy was mad, so mission accomplished, producers. At least he (she?) really was something to laugh to, especially when he (she?) came with “I have no eyes” (after Randy told him to take his glasses off) and “I have no soul” (why exactly did he say that? Oh wait, he just spoke the truth)

This episode definitely delivered some crazy characters. Both metaphorically and literally. That makes the audition episodes fun, but that also makes all the real talent disappear. And I’d wish for the episodes to have more talent and less crazy. I want to remember the people in Hollywood, when I see them. Not those crazy bitches and idiots. 5.5/10

At least Angie's armpits are shaved...

Introducing: Magic Cyclops and his way of sucking

Season 11, Episode 3 (389)
Date of airing: Jan 22, 2012 (FOX)
Watched for review: Jan 22, 2012
Number of review in January/2012: 87/93

There we go, having a gimmick episode. I didn’t even know AMERICAN IDOL needs gimmick episodes. Then I didn’t know the producers see it as a gimmick episode, just because the contestants audition in front of fighter jets, popping into the USS Midway, and bumping their heads on the steel, because they are too big and the room is too small. Sorry, but I don’t call that gimmick. As Steven Tyler said so nicely after the fake-happy trailer at the beginning: Wasn’t AMERICAN IDOL already over the top last year? Well, they are over the top every year, but I felt this episode was everything but over the top. Though the jet in the background, as well as the flying cap on Steven’s head were kind of nice-looking.

It wasn’t much of an entertaining episode I might say. The contestants were all fine and/or untalented, and there were the few crazy ones. Fortunately not that crazy this time. While the quirky was invading AMERICAN IDOL in the last episode, the show was taken back by the normal guys and gals. It proved that San Diego has good people. And people, who can’t sing, even though they dress nicely for the occasion. Or, in Jennifer Diley‘s case: When you dress up like you’re going to the beach, better not expect them to sing good. Jennifer was the perfect example, why style mostly goes way past substance in AMERICAN IDOL. She might have looked better in a red bra, but she never could have believed herself she would go to Hollywood. Crappy voice, average looks. And was she really bigger than Ryan Seacrest? Well, I’m pretty happy she failed in her audition. I really don’t need another bikini girl in Hollywood, who tries to wow the judges with her upper body. Also positive was that she didn’t flirt with Ryan.

Ashley Robles (26) was next on stage, and she was more likable than Jennifer. First, she had a cute little daughter. Second, she could actually thing. Third, she made me smile. Fourth, she took five jobs to make it in life, and now she’s on that battleship with her little daughter, who wants to be mommy’s backup dancer. Again, AMERICAN IDOL proves why scenes with little daughters and sons are always cute. And can always be misunderstood. If you don’t have the looks, better bring your little kid to make the judges smile. I actually would have expected for the judges to bring little daughter Tara on the stage, but they didn’t. And Ashley made it all by herself. Well, at least she surprised me. Her Whitney Houston song was of course boring, but she surprisingly pulled it off, despite the wobbly beginning. But one more thing: You really sing J.Lo’s “On the Floor” to your daughter before bed time? How is that possible?

We have another first in this season: Jayrah Gibson (25) made clear he wants to be the R’n'B artist this season. Fortunately he was not just a light-headed guy, who had fun with the audition, he’s also just that: fun. Finally a guy, who shows the happiness he has, and who doesn’t need to take a chance like this too seriously to make it through. It also showed me that Jayrah is pretty talented and could make it far. For somebody to be so high in life, who can also sing and make AMERICAN IDOL looks like fun, a spot is reserved in the semi-final shows. He’s no way a favorite of mine, but I wouldn’t mind seeing him in the semi-finals, or maybe even in the final shows. And as J.Lo said to him: I also wanna her some melodic songs from him.

And another first we had with Audree Dieckmeyer (20), who didn’t know where she was auditioning. It took her like ten million takes to get the name of the show right. That ain’t “America’s Next Top Model” ladies, and even when you mention to the camera you also wanna be a model, you better don’t do it on AMERICAN IDOL. Sure, it’s fun, but it also shows how stupid some contestants can be. You have an Idol sticker on your stomach, and you need five tries to get “Top Model” out of your head – what’s Audree’s IQ, when I can ask nicely? Fortunately she was able to sing good, even though her high pitch is way too thin to survive in Hollywood. When she can’t sing a cracky rock song, she should go back home. And I already now she won’t make it very far with soft songs and ballads. I hope that Audree has found her balance and voice between this audition and Hollywood. But was she intelligent enough to work on her voice?

Next one on stage is a “star”. By definition of that “star”. Ali Shields (19) was on ELLEN, was at the American Music Awards, and kissed a whole lot of people while interviewing them. Also, she kissed Ryan and the camera crew he was hanging out with. I don’t know if that was a good start for a kinda-crazy person, who’s way too happy to be on AMERICAN IDOL at this moment. Unfortunately, her crazy behavior continued into the audition. SHe started to rap, which made me cry out ‘WTF?’. She did a “ghetto dance”, which made me facepalm. When girls try to be funny, they always fail, when they aren’t actually funny. Alexis is such a nice example for that. But she’s still nice enough to make me hope she will come around and not be a “star” in Hollywood. Her excitement might be contagious, but it’s also an element in Steven’s “over the topness”. Let’s hope it’s not gonna blow to extraordinary proportions in Hollywood. Even though the show needs crazy, happy, enthusiastic characters every now and then, I wonder what happens with them in Hollywood. Usually, they are the first ones to bring out the big guns. Literally.

Kyle Crews (19) is next, and he looks like a nerd. Five seconds into his introduction video, he is established as a ladies’ man, who knows how to handle college, life and women. A couple of seconds more into his introduction video, this guy could be my hero. Interesting how appearances can change in ten seconds or less. I definitely did not expect him to be that awesome during his audition. Even though he was singling like somebody, who wanted a bit too much from his audition, it didn’t sound over the top. Even though he sounded like he would jump onto Jennifer during the audition, he was pretty solid in his appearance on the audition stage. No wonder why Jennifer and her left-and-right guys had fun listening him singing. Kyle was great, and he is definitely a favorite coming from this episode. If he’s going to be a favorite of mine… I don’t know. But I could imagine him going through Hollywood with ease.

Following Kyle is the next “star”. Judging from the “star”‘s father, who is in fact a star: Jane Carrey (24), daughter of Jim Carrey. You know that guy. With that green mask on his face, or how he chased after animals. Or how his life was broadcasted to the whole world for 30 years. I don’t wanna say much against the offspring of Hollywood stars get their share of the entertainment world. But it’s positive to see Jane trying it in an “official” way. Having an audition, standing in front of three judges, instead of just buying herself a career with her daddy’s money. Unfortunately, her audition was really short. The editors could have given me 20 more seconds to listen to, because what I heard was pretty much average, and I would have never let her through to Hollywood with that average performance. This is why I think we will only see her in Hollywood, when the producers need to mention Jim Carrey. Though I hope it’s not happening. Which also lets me believe we won’t see much of Jane in Hollywood. Nice try though.

Jason Hamlin, let’s call him Wolf (24), is the final contestant for this pretty exciting (in words) episode. The first thing first: I like those kinda guys. Even though I can’t begin much with the country-styled singing he was pulling off, but guys like him with a little bit of a story are always interesting to follow.And yeah, the beard makes the rest, because I’m always thinking to either have Sam Beam or William Fitzsimmons in front of me. And I love those two guys. Okay, Wolf and those two guys can’t be compared, but that’s what I was thinking when I saw Wolf. The thing about him is just: I don’t think he is much comfortable without his guitar. His actual audition was okay, but nothing I’d root for. But as soon as he was getting his guitar out, he rocked the stage. I can understand why the judges brought him to Washington. But is he going to be comfortable enough without his guitar, when it’s gonna be crucial?

All in all, it was a solid episode. I have written way too much again, which I blame for the fact that too many contestants were sent to Hollywood. You just write more about people you will actually see again, when you’re lucky. But was this episode really that special? Only when you wanted to see one, where almost everybody seen in this hour gets a golden ticket. San Diego must have talented people. But it isn’t much of a place to audition. When you really wanna have a show on a former battleship, better tell all the pilots to take the weekend off. It seems obvious that no one has really though about the possibility of this weekend being blown to pieces by jet fighters, hot engines, ship’s horns, and the impatience of people and Steven Tyler. 7/10

Mom Ashley blushes during her audition

And Jennifer probably can't believe she listens to an audition of a girl she probably sitted in her youth

Season 11, Episode 2 (388)
Date of airing: Jan 19, 2012 (FOX)
Watched for review: Jan 19, 2012
Number of review in January/2012: 76/76

It’s crap when my internet craps up while watching a truly … horrific AMERICAN IDOL episode. I don’t know whether the Gods wanted to save me from the last bits of the episode, or if the internet just hates AMERICAN IDOL (or me watching it). I have missed a couple of minutes, but thanks to some fast people in the web, I was able to get the last minutes of the show. Even though I was again proven that this episode was just horrific for one single reason: too many obscure characters, too many, who tried to be quirky and crazy. Maybe that’s what Pittsburgh had to offer?

Well, I don’t have much of a problem with stories in AMERICAN IDOL, but can you cut it down to only one (tragic) story per audition episode? This time, we had two, and the episode wasn’t even 45 minutes long. Or, maybe the episode just had one and a half tragic storyline. I think, the half one belongs to Travis Orlando (17), another one of those cry-babies of this season. He was auditioning last year (I don’t remember), and he quit high school to make his dream come true. It was a typical “all or nothing” thing for him. Well, I didn’t like him much (I personally don’t like high-school dropouts, because they never think clearly about their future), but obviously the judges did, because he got a ticket to Hollywood.

The full tragic storyline belonged to the final contestant of the episode: Hallie Day (24), a waitress, married for six months to Ryan, and a young woman, who has experiences with a suicide attempt. Another high-school dropout (are they coming like fruit flies to AMERICAN IDOL now?), another pretty much over-the-top audition, which I didn’t seem to love, but the judges. When she started to sing “I Will Survive”, I was surprised about the changes she made to the song. I barely recognized it at first (only at the lyrics), and I was also surprised that I didn’t like it. The judges did, and she is going to Hollywood. Indeed, music and her husband saved her life. I don’t know if she’s able to live through Hollywood though. But hey, a suicide attempt in a contestant’s life is a pretty big story for the editors of the show.

Let’s go to the rest real quick, mentioning some more Firsts in this season. Heejun Han (20) seemed to be the first contestant, who wasn’t really interested in auditioning. His face said “I’m bored”, his conversation with Ryan Seacrest also wasn’t interesting. So, I was surprised he could sing. He kinda deserved to go to Hollywood, but I don’t know if it’s fair to let a lackadaisical contestant through Hollywood, when some of the people, who are serious about it (despite being bad singers), are not really taken seriously by the judges. The story of Samantha Novacek and her sister Patricia Bell was the first confusing story for me. I did not know what was going on her. Patricia talked about “planking” all the time, and Samantha performed her audition, while Patricia was planking on the stage in front of the judges. WTF? I don’t even know what all of that means. I don’t know if it was supposed to be a serious audition (hello, Heenjun), and I don’t know if Samantha was good enough to be considered a Hollywood favorite. I mean, the whole audition was distracting with Patricia lying on the stage and planking. That was idiotic. And I would have never let her go to Hollywood after this. When Samantha needs help from her planking sister (obviously, Samantha sings good, when Patricia lies there horizontally?!? That is the pitch for a porno, ladies and gentleman), why is she auditioning for AMERICAN IDOL? She’s not going to perform on the live stage with her sister planking in front of an audience in the millions. Ridiculous.

Also kind of too quirky for me to get through: Reed Grimm (26) and Creighton Fraker (28). The former performed the theme song of FAMILY MATTERS, which was actually a cool thing, but was killed with the over-the-top performance. The latter performed an own song, because he couldn’t think of any other song he could perform in front of the judges. Also in a very over-the-top manner. Seems like the judges are hot for some crazy contestants here, who will rule the Hollywood week from behind. Do I need it though? Definitely not. While the season premiere was more of a solid entrance with standard singers and non-talents, this episode was riddled with quirkiness. FOX has NEW GIRL for the quirkiness, they don’t need to fill AMERICAN IDOL with it.

Finally, there was another Justin Bieber lookalike: Eben Franckewitz (15), also looking like 12. He also sounded like Justin Bieber, and he will probably get the girls’ votes, if he should make it through the Hollywood round. I know he can sing and stuff, but why am I seeing him almost winning this season, just because he’s a cute little 15-year-old? I already see bad things rising up behind the horizon: loads of girl crushes, loads of super hot singers (Brittany Kerr) and at least some talented people. Well, this episode showed why AMERICAN IDOL can suck some times. I really hope this was just because Pittsburgh didn’t have much talent to offer. I actually have not found one single likable person here, let alone a favorite for Hollywood and beyond. 4/10

Introducing: the very new and reformed Justin Bieber. Oh wait...

Hallie Day points her finger to her almost deadly past

Season 11, Episode 1 (387)
Date of airing: Jan 18, 2012
Watched for review: Jan 18, 2012
Number of review in January/2012: 75/75

Here I am again, trying to review a complete season of AMERICAN IDOL. A little history with me and that show. I watched my first AMERICAN IDOL, when the seventh season premiered. Liked it. Continued to watch it, but didn’t review it, because that was the time before I started reviewing. My actual review duties came like right before the eighth season premiered. Unfortunately (or fortunately for you guys), the seventh season is so far the only one I completely watched. Every episode, every audition show, every semi-final show, every live show, even IDOL GIVES BACK and the results show in their entirety. I gave up the eighth season mid-way through, because I lost patience and because I slacked writing the reviews. I gave up the ninth season midway, because I slacked writing the reviews, and because the singers were total crap. I gave up the tenth season during the audition episodes, because I didn’t have time to watch AMERICAN IDOL and review for it at the same time. Now it’s the fourth try, and I’m seeing myself breaking up the season again mid-way through. But this time I think it’s gonna be because of THE VOICE, whose second season I also wanna get into. Let’s see how far I’m coming (with both shows), and if I’m actually making it through the finale. This time I’m setting a goal though: When I give up before the final shows start, I’m getting back to reviewing AMERICAN IDOL, when the live shows start. They are most important anyway.

So, enough of the history with me and AMERICAN IDOL, let’s go to the season premiere. Which happened to deflower Savannah as the stage for Idol auditions. Again, a lot of happy people dancing around and cheering, as well as singing and dancing in front of the camera, again the same old stuff happening for the cameras, so the editors have something to work with. Same old, same old, and this in a most literal way ever. This is why the audition shows are always forgettable, and this is why I’m also forgetting most, if not all the candidates right after the episode, because I don’t remember their faces anymore. Too many faces, too much to work through. Luckily I have my notebook, and I filled good two pages and a bit about the episode. AMERICAN IDOL kinda lets me change my reviewing style every year – this show is just not good enough to be reviewed, as in … “reviewed”.

So, let’s make it easy and list all the Firsts. The first contestant of the season was David Leathers jr. (17), alias “Mr. Steal Your Girl”, who didn’t just look like he was twelve years old, he also sounded like Michael Jackson in his Jackson 5 years. He was also the first one getting a ticket to Hollywood. The first “No” from the judges was given to Jessica Whitely (19), who also got a 10-second-silence treatment after her audition, which was more hilarious than her own audition. She was also the first one of the season, who mentioned to return to another audition this season (we’ll see her in Texas then). The first story of the season belonged to Amy Brumfield (24), who, together with her boyfriend, lives in a tent in the woods, because today’s times are hard, and she can’t (won’t?) afford an apartment. By the way: While AMERICAN IDOL was shooting her story in the tent, it was raining as shit – pretty much in contrast to a couple of minutes later, where the episode showed people happily complaining about the fracking heat (that made me awkward, because while I was watching that moment about the heat, it was snowing outside in Vancouver. I want sun). By the way, Amy also got the first “special voice” from a judge – here from Jennifer Lopez, who would use that term one more time in the episode. The first cry-baby was Joshua Chavis (23), who also had a dream of singing the national anthem during a NASCAR race and didn’t wanna leave the audition stage unless he gets a ticket. Well, he didn’t get one, hence him crying in front of the camera and wanting to play the Rambo (“Get the camera off my face”). Schyler Dixon (16) was the first contender returning from last year, but more to her in a minute or so. My very own first favorite is Lauren Misk (25), who seems to have a pretty cool job, which I’d never do in the first place (she got the second “special voice” from Jennifer). The first one promising to return next year was African non-talent Mawuena Kodjo (25), who clearly couldn’t sing, but still grabbed a couple of people off the street, brought them back to the judges, to persuade them for a ticket to Hollywood. Among those people: three little girls, who thought Mawuena’s voice was good enough for Hollywood. Well, it wasn’t. The first crazy character this season was Ashlee Altise (28), who did not just perform her “joy hop”, but can not really be considered a favorite of mine, or maybe the audience, if she should go through Hollywood and into the first live shows. The first contestant to quit his job for the Idol audition was W.T. Thompson (25), who had to, because the prison facility he was working with wouldn’t give him free time to audition. By the way: His wife is preggers, and he probably “gets eaten alive” in Hollywood, quote Randy. Meaning, we’ll see him there. The first contestant grabbing the (male) judges’ asses was Erika Nowak (28), the future ex-wife of Steven Tyler’s. She hugged Steven, grabbed his ass, failed her audition, then hugged Randy and grabbed his ass. She went home with a smile on her face. The first beauty queen of the episode was NBA dancer Brittany Kerr (24), whom we will also see in Hollywood. Judging Steven, even when she can’t sing, since she got his vote, before she sang one single note. And finally, the first favorite of the season, also the last contestant of the episode, named Phillip Phillips (yes, that’s his real name), who kinda went over the top with his audition, but rocked my socks off, when he took his guitar and performed Michael Jackson’s Thriller. Motherfuck, that was awesome! Maybe I will forget that performance after a couple of days, but it’s the only one staying with me after I have finished writing that review you’re reading right now.

Let’s get back to Schyler Dixon and her brother Colton (19). They both performed last season (cannot remember if I watched this or not), and they both were favorites by the judges, after what they said here. This time though, Colton didn’t (want to) audition and gave sister Schyler all the spotlight. But somehow the judges wanted Colton to hit the stage and sing a song. So, after Schyler auditioned and pretty much went through to Hollywood without a doubt, Colton auditioned and got a ticket, even though he wasn’t even registered for the audition. At least I believe he wasn’t. Now, here is my question: What does the rule book of AMERICAN IDOL say here? Do the contestants have to be registered to audition, to actually be considered for a trip to Hollywood? After all, I believe all the expenses are paid by FOX, which is why I’m wondering why someone gets send to Hollywood without any kind of registration beforehand. It could be that the producers behind the cameras gave their OK, and made Colton register after his winning audition. But it made me ask many questions, and it also let me flash back to the seventh season. When I remember correctly David Cook only accompanied his brother to the auditions and was then persuaded by the producers to audition himself. And in May 2008 he won the season. So, deja-vu here? Will Colton eventually win the season at the end, because David Cook went through a similar story? After all, he was good here. His quote “I have no idea what just happened” was also in my head, when the whole scenery happened in front of my eyes…

Well, that’s basically it. I don’t wanna waste much time in reviewing an episode, which will be forgotten after a short while by the audience. The only important thing about it are the names of the contestants anyway. It’s the only way to trace them back, when they eventually reach the final shows, or if one of them wins, and then you look back and realize how it has started for him or her. And you actually cannot remember the scene happening in one of the audition episodes… I must say it was (as usual) a solid entry into the new season. Some talents, some not so talented, but every time I’m happy I don’t have to watch the German Idol, because it would take all the opportunities to make the contestants miserable in front of the cameras, spit on them, talk trash to them and whatnot. I’m always happy that AMERICAN IDOL is civilized enough to not play that card. That’s probably why I’m watching the audition shows in the first place, because they are simple. 7/10

Ryan and his doppelgänger have fun

And in the meantime, Brittany Kerr teases what she has under the hood